So, your strength and personal power, and all the things that make you dynamite, are very attractive to the narcissist in the beginning. The problem, however, is that narcissists need to exert authority over others. They also have to create and maintain a perception of superiority, no matter how false that perception may actually be in reality.
Sooner or later, your strength and personal power are going to become very problematic for a destructive narcissist. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes this will become obvious really quickly. In some cases, it may take longer for it to manifest as an actual issue that’s problematic to the relationship dynamic. When it does, you’ll know it because the shift will be real.
Although a covert narcissist may be able to hide the fear, jealousy, and insecurity your strength and personal power have triggered within them for a time, a more overt narcissist will swing from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in an instant. They won’t likely be able to hide their triggers or wounded ego as easily.
In my opinion and experience, all narcissists are both phony and sneaky, but a covert narcissist brings a little extra to the party in that regard.
It’s important to remember that narcissistic people need to be in a position of dominance and control over others. All is well as long as they’re getting their way and having their needs met. But the moment that’s not the case, look out. Once they’re not getting their way, once it becomes clear that they’re not in control, and once you’re not complying, or God forbid, you accidentally show them up somehow—like shining a little too bright or simply being who you naturally are—their ego takes a hit. Sometimes it’s a big hit, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and you have no control over it. Remember, it’s their stuff, not yours.
If they can’t gaslight you into some form of submission, compliance, or feelings of inferiority, if they can’t manipulate, dominate, or control you, then, given the limited tools they have in their emotional and psychological toolbox, they’ll be left with no other choice than to target you differently, more passively. But just as destructively, if not more so, than their direct tactics.
This is usually done by manipulating and controlling how other people see you. When a narcissist can’t control you, they feel threatened by you. When they feel threatened by you, they’ll have to deal with the threat to their false persona in the only way they know how. Usually, that means working to control how others see and perceive you, how others feel about you. They’ll go out of their way to discredit, diminish, and demean you as a preemptive measure.
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