Recently, my narcissistic mother said, “What happened to this son who wouldn’t even stand the thought of living without me for a second? What happened to the son who loved me more than his life?” All of that is true. I loved her more than my life; I couldn’t stand the thought of being without her. But that was my separation anxiety, my trauma bond with her. Her questions revealed everything that was going on in her emotional world. My separation from her was an earth-shattering change, and for a moment, I felt sad. But before that cognitive dissonance could take over, she did something horrible that brought me back to square one, seeing her for who she really is.
Losing such a rich source of energy is particularly devastating for a narcissist. They’ll scramble to find a replacement, but it’s like chasing a mirage. They yearn to quench their thirst, but the waters are never as sweet. This loss becomes an obsession; they might stalk the person they lost or grill mutual friends for information. My narcissistic parents, especially my mother, have been grilling other relatives and spreading falsehoods about me, which is total crazy-making. In an indirect way, they may even attempt to replicate the relationship with someone new, only to be frustrated when they don’t achieve the same level of adoration. It’s not just about missing the connection; it’s about the irreplaceability of it. The narcissist is like a collector who has lost their most prized possession—you. The rest of their collection pales in comparison, and there is a constant nagging awareness of the void left behind.
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