What if I told you that some of the most common phrases you hear aren’t just words; they’re weapons used to manipulate, gaslight, and control you? Today, I’m exposing common phrases narcissists use so you can recognize them for what they are when they happen. Shut it down immediately and take your power back. Let’s get into it!
The kinds of things narcissists say to manipulate, gaslight, control, and destabilize you.
Number one: “You’re overreacting.” Other versions of this are “You are so sensitive” and “I was only joking.” Translation: I don’t like being held accountable, so let me make you doubt yourself, your perception of reality, and maybe even your sanity. This, my friends, is gaslighting 101. You have a perfectly rational and legitimate emotional response to something hurtful, toxic, or insane—something they’ve done or said. Instead of owning their behavior, they flip it on you. What’s really happening is they see that you’re catching on to their toxic ways, and that threatens their ability to manipulate, dominate, and control you. So instead of coming clean or getting real, they choose to invalidate you in the hopes of making you question and second-guess yourself and your perception of reality—all while sidestepping any accountability or responsibility.
If they can get away with it, your best response is to stay grounded in what you know to be true. Trust your instinct; if something feels wrong or off, call it out. For example, say, “No, I’m responding appropriately to something that was hurtful,” and then not another word. Refuse to engage in the debate; it’s designed to wear you down, if not drive you completely bananas. So don’t go there, and don’t give them that.
Number two: “You’re crazy.” Translation: I’m provoking you, and when you react, I’ll use it against you. This is another classic gaslighting strategy. Narcissists poke, provoke, and prod until you finally react, and then they weaponize your reaction against you. They behave in an unbelievably toxic way, usually designed to elicit a reaction from you. The moment you snap, bam! You’re the crazy one, and they get to sit back, calm, cool, and collected while you look unstable in the relationship. Your best response? Simply do not engage at all—no arguing, no defending, and definitely no emotional outbursts. Instead, observe, see it for what it is, and detach. Set firm boundaries and remove yourself from the dynamic. Stay grounded in logic and keep a written record of your experience, including date and time stamps. You may never need it, but if the day comes that you do, you’ll be glad you have it. If nothing else, it will help you stay clear as you extricate yourself from the toxic abuse cycle.
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Number three: “My ex is crazy.” Translation: I abused my ex until they finally lost it, and now I use their reaction to make myself look like the victim. This is a major red flag. If someone you’ve just met leads with how crazy their ex was, run! A healthy person doesn’t need to bash their ex. They may have had a bad experience, but if someone is hyper-fixated on their ex’s craziness, it’s because they played a role in creating it. Pay attention: are they constantly villainizing their ex while taking zero responsibility? If that’s the case, you’ll be the crazy ex soon enough if you ignore this red flag. Keep your eyes and ears wide open, and take time to carefully observe where a person is coming from before getting emotionally involved.
Now I want to hear from you! If you’ve ever heard any of these lines, drop a “Yes, I’ve heard this” in the comments below. If you’re ready to go deeper and truly break free, check out the Freedom Class, my 8-week transformational coaching program. We go all in on healing, rebuilding your confidence, and reclaiming your power after narcissistic abuse. Click the link in the description below to apply for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team. You don’t have to do this alone; I’ve got you.
Number four: “We’re just friends.” Translation: I need multiple sources of narcissistic supply to feed my sick ego, and I’m keeping this one in the rotation just in case. For a narcissist, relationships are transactions. They keep people on the back burner as backup options, and if you question their inappropriate behavior, they’ll flip it on you and call you jealous and insecure. They flirt, text, and maintain inappropriate connections under the guise of friendship. The moment you express concern or discomfort, they gaslight you by saying, “You’re jealous.” They keep their exes, admirers, and work friends around just to ensure you know they can replace you anytime they like.
So what do you do? Pay attention to inconsistencies and trust your gut. Tell yourself the honest truth: your mind may lie to you all day long, but your body never lies. If you’re catching them in lies early on, it isn’t going to get any better. Set clear boundaries around what is and isn’t okay for you in a relationship, and hold the standard for yourself. Whatever you do, refuse to accept constant invalidation of your feelings. You know what you see, hear, and feel; you can trust that.
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Number five: “You’re so insecure.” Translation: I’m deliberately making you feel insecure, and now I’m blaming you for it. A narcissist’s favorite game is manufacturing insecurity in their target. They do this by flirting with others in front of you to elicit jealousy or by praising someone else excessively to make you feel inferior. They’ll also point out fake flaws in you to lower your self-esteem. Nice people know their worth. Truly know your value and worth to your core. Do the work to get there and never let anyone erode your self-confidence. Don’t fall for that trap when they try to bait you. Refuse to react; see it for what it is and do what you need to take care of yourself. Distance yourself from toxic and hurtful people; that’s usually your best bet.
Number six: “You have trust issues.” Translation: I’m lying to you, and I need to make you feel like the problem so I can get away with whatever it is I’m trying to get away with. If someone is constantly lying to you, betraying you, or acting shady in any way, and then accuses you of having trust issues when you call it out, it’s time for a reality check. Your gut instinct is accurate; if something feels off, it probably is. Trust is earned, not automatically assumed, and certainly not demanded through manipulation and emotional bullying. A healthy person won’t blame you for wanting clarity, and people who have nothing to hide hide nothing. Refuse to accept gaslighting in any of your relationships. Stand by what you know to be true and respect yourself; if you don’t, nobody else will.
Number seven: “Who would believe you?” Translation: I’ve isolated and smeared you enough to make you feel powerless. This is nothing short of psychological warfare. Narcissists use isolation, character assassination, and intimidation to keep you quiet and controlled. So what do you do? Document everything, lean on safe, supportive people who get it, and never let fear keep you in a toxic abuse cycle. Find a way to reclaim your power and get the hell out of there.
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Number eight: “No one will want you.” Translation: I need you to believe you’re unworthy so you never leave me. Now hear me: this is a flat-out lie designed to keep you stuck in the toxic abuse cycle for as long as you’re willing to stay. What you may not realize is that narcissists target powerful, light-filled, highly empathic, accomplished, and talented people—those who bring a lot of good stuff to the table. The very fact that they chose you to begin with is proof of all the good you carry and bring to the relationship. Even if you can’t see that right now, what they don’t want you to know is how much good you have within you and that you are worthy of love, respect, consideration, compassion, peace, joy, and freedom. When you step into your power, their control disappears, and they don’t want that. So they lie to you about who you are and what you’re worth. Don’t believe them, please!
And last but not least, number nine: “You’d be nothing if it weren’t for me.” Narcissists will happily take credit for your accomplishments and all the hard work you’ve put into doing, creating, building, or even becoming something that they themselves have not. They may contribute in some way—usually a very small way, if at all—to helping you get where you are. Regardless, they’ll think that if it weren’t for them, you’d be nothing—a total lost cause. Can you imagine what kind of empathy-impaired, entitled, arrogant, and self-absorbed emotional manipulator you’d have to be to say such words to another human being, especially one you supposedly love? They sure are something, aren’t they?
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