Imagine a world of balance where people share a give-and-take relationship without a hidden agenda, where everyone is equal and nobody is inferior or superior to another. How wonderful would it be? Unfortunately, the reality is not as wonderful as we’ve imagined. Some people want everything for themselves, severing the supposed give-and-take relationship by taking and taking without giving anything back. It may be for wealth, fame, or any objective you can name. Some people just want the spotlight pointed solely at them, and like a predator who devours both the hunter and their prey, these individuals hoard the rewards while keeping their hands clean, making others do all the dirty work.
These predators are known as narcissists, who exhibit traits like extreme self-centeredness and an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They don’t care about the means as long as the end benefits them. Here are ten ways narcissists manipulate their prey. Let’s find out how they do it:
1. The Top-Down Approach
Narcissists are known for their sense of entitlement; they believe they are superior to others and are positioned at the top of the hierarchy, always demanding authority. Hence, their will must always be done. This approach is commonly used by organizations for management or by parents to control their children. A brutal example of this takes us back to Adolf Hitler, who believed in the supremacy of his race over anyone else’s. His inferiors questioned his decisions because he thought he knew best and must be obeyed.
2. The Guilt Trip
Have you ever experienced someone—either a friend or a lover—asking you for a favor, but when you said no, they started saying things like, “Aren’t we friends? Don’t you love me anymore?” or “I’ve done you many favors, and this is how you would repay me?” Narcissists use these kinds of conscience-triggering phrases to coerce their prey into doing what they want. Who doesn’t feel guilty when someone they don’t want to lose says things like that? This leaves their prey with no choice but to say yes against their own feelings. The thing is, narcissists do not care about others’ feelings; they only care about their own gain.
3. Playing the Victim Role
Narcissists are great actors. They may act as if they are victims of some injustice, making their prey believe that their situation is not their fault. This is the narcissist’s way to escape blame, gain sympathy and support, or simply get what they want. They take advantage of other people’s empathy, like spoiled children who throw tantrums, knowing that it only takes a scream to get their parents to grant their wishes.
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4. Playing the Hero Role
In contrast to being a victim, narcissists can also play the hero, staging heroic acts to intimidate their prey and make them believe they are being protected from villains—when they are the villains themselves. You can see people like this in action movies, where gangsters extort money from market vendors in exchange for the promise of security, as long as they pay the right price. This strategy makes their prey stick to them, believing that they can indeed offer them salvation amidst surrounding crime and chaos.
5. Oppression
Narcissists use this tactic to drain their prey of strength and make them incapable of fighting back. History shows us a lot of evidence of this tactic, as it has been commonly used by conquerors in the past. Adolf Hitler used this against Jews, and Spaniards used it against Filipinos. Predators know that prey are most likely to become submissive when oppressed. It doesn’t have to be physical; it can also be mental or emotional. Who wouldn’t feel overwhelmed? Unless you possess some superpower, you might find it safer to give in.
6. Blackmail or Threat
When you’re forced to choose between your own well-being—or even your life—versus giving in to the manipulator, you’re left with no choice but to comply. Narcissists excel at finding out their prey’s secrets and weak spots, utilizing them to get what they want. It could go something like, “Do this, or else I’ll do something you wouldn’t like.” They will make you believe that the only way to save face is to yield to their wishes.
7. Brainwashing
Oxford Dictionary defines brainwashing as the process of pressuring someone into adopting radically different beliefs by using systematic and often forcible means. Narcissists use this technique by planting ideas in their prey’s minds, forcing them to believe that their own beliefs are wrong and must be realigned to coincide with the predator’s beliefs. Predators introduce an ideal objective, making their prey think it is for their good while promising exaggerated rewards. For example, a father might convince a child that his divorced wife cannot provide for the child’s needs and wants, thus persuading the child to fulfill his desires.
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8. Deception
Narcissists are great liars; to them, lying is like breathing. Their lies often appear identical to the truth, frequently backed up by related facts or statistics, making them seem even more realistic and convincing their prey to act as they desire. For instance, a salesman might claim that his products are sugar-free, purely organic, or environmentally friendly, thus attracting buyers and increasing his sales. This technique implies that he cares for his customers when, in reality, all he cares about is increasing his profits.
9. Real Criticisms and Sugarcoated Praises
Narcissists know how to manipulate praises and criticisms effectively. Their praises are almost always sugarcoated, while their objections are harshly real. Their genuine complaints often accompany their sugarcoated praises, undermining direct insults while focusing on sweet recognition. For example, a beauty product seller might tell a prospective buyer who is insecure about their appearance, “You’re ugly, but you can be presentable—especially if you buy our products.”
10. Inspiring Fear Then Relief
In this technique, narcissists create anxieties for their prey and then later offer relief. For example, a person may demonstrate cruelty but simultaneously claim they can be good—especially if you comply with their wishes. Many psychologists believe that each of us possesses narcissistic traits to some extent, which can be helpful in this competitive world. However, remember that anything in excess can cause harm. Just because you spot people with such traits does not mean they are narcissists or have a narcissistic disorder. It still takes a professional diagnosis to determine this.
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