Today we are talking all about covert narcissists and cheating: why do they do it, and how do they manage to successfully blame the other party for the entire affair when, and if, caught to the point that we sometimes believe them?
Covert vulnerable narcissists are sneaky. Oftentimes, it’s much more difficult to discover and understand how a covert narcissist operates because overt narcissists are so bold and open about their entitlement and superiority issues. Covert narcissists don’t publicize their desires; they are very careful about managing their public persona. They are concerned about their reputation and usually want to give the impression that they are good, moral, and decent human beings. However, at the heart of who they are, whether covert or overt, their core traits are the same.
Although their strategies may look very different and their reasoning may be confusing, both types truly think and feel similarly. When trying to figure out the behaviors of a covert narcissist, it’s best to define what we know to be true about narcissists in general. Because coverts are so manipulative, secretive, and careful about hiding who they actually are, it’s important to lay out the facts about narcissists and then connect the dots with how the covert behaviors match these core traits and why they can so easily manipulate us into thinking differently.
So, what do we know to be true about all narcissists? First and foremost, the most important thing in the world to them is obtaining narcissistic supply. They believe they are special and deserving of being treated as such. They are entitled, lack empathy, and are exploitative—the three E’s: entitled, lacking empathy, and exploitative. While an overt narcissist will be open about these behaviors, a covert will not. This is why you will always hear me say that you can never trust a narcissist’s words, whether overt or covert; you can and should only judge them based on patterns of behavior.
What else do we know about narcissists? They are pathological liars. If you find yourself confused by their words, this is why: nothing that comes out of their mouths should be viewed as a source of truth or honesty. Beyond blatant lying, they also gaslight, blame-shift, project, deflect, and use many other psychologically abusive tactics. My first tip here is that if you ever want to understand anything factual, honest, or truthful when it comes to a narcissist, you must base your judgments solely on patterns of behavior. Their words mean absolutely nothing and are usually outright lies or psychological manipulations.
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