How does a narcissist react when you go silent on them? Do they get impacted by your silence, or do they forget you completely? What happens? Let’s find out in today’s episode. I am Danish, a narcissistic abuse recovery professional and psychologist. Welcome to my channel, and thank you so much for tuning in.
In today’s episode, we are going to talk about two ways a narcissist reacts when you go silent. If that sounds interesting and you are eager to learn more, please make sure to subscribe. Your subscription helps spread awareness about narcissistic abuse.
1. They Really Panic and Become Anxious
Narcissists do not like to be ignored. They need to know what you’re thinking and feeling, and they need you to think about them constantly. That’s what their existence revolves around. If you go emotionally blank and physically silent, you become unpredictable, which is their worst enemy. They lose control over the situation and can’t stand not knowing what’s coming next.
When you go silent, it drives them crazy. They’ll try to push you to react by stalking you, calling your friends and family, hacking your social media, and even your security cameras to see what you’re up to. They especially want to know if you’ve moved on with someone else. If you have, it means you’ve replaced them, making them feel like a failure. This insecurity can make them vengeful and even more punitive.
Silence is deafening to a narcissist because it triggers their fear of abandonment. If you abandon them, they won’t last long without latching onto someone else. Your silence takes your power back. However, context is crucial. If you don’t need to engage with them financially, have no children with them, and don’t see them regularly, your silence is your biggest move. But if you have to deal with them frequently, your silence can be seen as a weakness.
2. They Take Your Silence as a Sign of Agreeableness
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If a narcissist continues to bully and abuse you and you remain silent, they may interpret your silence as consent or weakness. They might believe you’re okay with their behavior and won’t stand up for yourself. This can embolden them to continue or even escalate their abusive behavior.
In such situations, you need to be assertive. This doesn’t mean you have to fight or argue with them—because you can’t win with a narcissist that way. Instead, be direct and assertive about the consequences of their behavior. For example, in a co-parenting situation, clearly state what will happen if they continue their harassment, like legal penalties.
Sometimes, simply stating the truth can stop them in their tracks. For example, saying, “I am done with you. There is nothing between you and me anymore. I do not want to be involved, and I know you will respect that given you are a mature person,” can make them think twice. This approach makes it seem like it was their idea to be mature and respectful.
When you go silent towards a narcissist, they never take it well. But if they go silent, it means they’ve discarded you and moved on to someone else for their supply. They don’t miss you; they are focused on their new prey.
If you are curious whether your silence is working on them, it most likely is. It’s bothering them deeply. If you don’t have to break the silence, keep it that way. If you can’t be silent all the time, be silent most of the time. Choose your battles wisely. Once you’ve said what needed to be said, give them more silence. When they start acting nicely, you can give them a little attention—what I call “drip supply.”
So, those were the two ways a narcissist reacts to your silence. Let me know which of these reactions you have personally experienced. Drop your answers in the comments below.
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