If a narcissist continues to bully and abuse you and you remain silent, they may interpret your silence as consent or weakness. They might believe you’re okay with their behavior and won’t stand up for yourself. This can embolden them to continue or even escalate their abusive behavior.
In such situations, you need to be assertive. This doesn’t mean you have to fight or argue with them—because you can’t win with a narcissist that way. Instead, be direct and assertive about the consequences of their behavior. For example, in a co-parenting situation, clearly state what will happen if they continue their harassment, like legal penalties.
Sometimes, simply stating the truth can stop them in their tracks. For example, saying, “I am done with you. There is nothing between you and me anymore. I do not want to be involved, and I know you will respect that given you are a mature person,” can make them think twice. This approach makes it seem like it was their idea to be mature and respectful.
When you go silent towards a narcissist, they never take it well. But if they go silent, it means they’ve discarded you and moved on to someone else for their supply. They don’t miss you; they are focused on their new prey.
If you are curious whether your silence is working on them, it most likely is. It’s bothering them deeply. If you don’t have to break the silence, keep it that way. If you can’t be silent all the time, be silent most of the time. Choose your battles wisely. Once you’ve said what needed to be said, give them more silence. When they start acting nicely, you can give them a little attention—what I call “drip supply.”
So, those were the two ways a narcissist reacts to your silence. Let me know which of these reactions you have personally experienced. Drop your answers in the comments below.
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