Do you know the real reason why narcissists feel so justified in being vengeful, punitive, and angry towards you? Because they feel robbed. They feel duped and betrayed by you, even though that is not the truth. They believe you have deceived them in the most unimaginable ways possible.
The topic for today’s episode is “Five Ways a Narcissist Feels You Have Duped Them.” I’m going to share a lot of personal experiences, so stay until the very end, as you are going to understand how a narcissist thinks, views the relationship, and why it is purely transactional.
Failed Investment: The Narcissist’s Perspective
Number one: the narcissist sees you as a failed investment. What does that mean? It means that every penny the narcissist spent on you was spent with the intention of getting back returns plus interest—10 times their investment. You see, they do not spend on their children, spouse, or anyone who is really close to them with an open heart. They don’t do it because they’re supposed to; that’s what you do with the money you earn to make your life and others’ lives easier. They spend it because they have a plan for you.
Let’s say they love-bombed you, bought you lavish gifts, and spent money on dates. Their idea of return was that once you were in the relationship, they were going to financially abuse you and take every penny back, plus the money you worked so hard for. That is their selfish interest. But when you say no, when you set boundaries, and when the time comes in the relationship that you declare, “I’m not going to let you financially abuse me, use me, and treat me like trash,” that is when you become a big disappointment—like I did for my narcissistic father.
There came a time in my life when my father spent money on my college education, the same person who would not even spend a dime to get me some shoes or clothes. He was a miser who always loved to hold onto money, earn it, but hide it from us. Then he started spending thousands on my education, which made me feel guilty. One day, I asked him, “Don’t you feel bad for spending this money on me?” With a smirk on his face, he replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s like I’m giving you a loan; I’m going to get it back with interest. You are like my bank account; I’m putting money in it because whatever I put in, I’m going to get it back.”
At that time, I felt seen and approved, but I could not understand the depth of the financial evil he was plotting for me. Looking back, I realize he meant every word. Later on, during our final fight, he said to me, “I wish I had spent that money on prostitution rather than on you. At least I would’ve enjoyed it.” Can you imagine? Do you understand how that brain works? My leaving and creating my own life, establishing my own financial freedom was his entrapment. It was a failure for him because I was supposed to work hard, earn money, and hand it over to him. He would then have the power to distribute my earned money and decide what to do with it. That was his expectation, and because I did not live up to that, I robbed him of that freedom.
Standing Tall: Reclaiming Your Power
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