Number three: when you do not comply with their demands, when you do not enable their image as a partner or as the child of a narcissist, you are seen as an extension. You have only one role to play in their life: to enable their narcissistic image, the facade they project to the world. When you refrain from playing a part in maintaining that facade, when you call out that deception and expose them, when you speak the truth to the people who matter most to them, you become anti-narcissist. You become the black sheep, the scapegoat, ostracized and cast out as a rebel, seen as the enemy of the narcissistic family system.
Every person who caters to them, who kisses up to them, gets the premium supply back or is temporarily placed on a pedestal. But when you remain true to yourself and recognize fake for what it is, that is when you become the light bearer, the torch bearers, the cycle breaker—and they will attack you. Like a pack of wolves, they come after your life, showing no concern for how it impacts you. Your own siblings, your partner, even your parents may turn against you, rallying many people on their side as they run a massive revenge campaign against you. The reason: “Oh, they’ve just turned out to be a disobedient child,” or “This partner of mine, I can’t tell you how destructive they are by nature. Look what they did to me. Look what they did to my life.” That is the narrative they spread.
Finding Support and Moving On
Number four: when you find a reliable support system, whether it be a new partner or a supportive friend as a child of a narcissistic parent, they feel duped. They feel deceived and, most importantly, they feel replaced. How will they uphold their position in your life if they self-gaslight and believe they are the most important person? Without their presence or involvement in your life, they think everything will fall apart. But when they see you moving on with a healthy person, when you find a partner and your choice is not influenced at all by your narcissistic parent or partner, and you are treated well and supported, they see you grow. That is when they actually feel a lot of shame, but they process it as your betrayal.
“Oh yeah, we know you have so-and-so in your life now. You don’t need us, do you?” This is exactly what my narcissistic mother did when I found a support system outside my narcissistic family. The people who were trying to uplift me and support me were devalued in the worst way possible. My mother arrogantly said that the person who doesn’t even deserve to be my footwear is the top priority in my life. “What a disappointment you are. What a failure of a son you are.” Then she would claim, “Oh, I said that out of rage; I did not mean it.” Of course, she knows her tricks; she is a covert narcissist. But that was a significant confession. That is how they see it when they are replaced.
When you move on in your life, when you grow, when your health improves, and when these individuals do not take advantage of you, do not use you as a doormat, and do not trample over you, that is when the narcissist feels they have done something wrong.
Breaking the Family Curse
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