Let’s say you meet a borderline vulnerable narcissist, and they come to you complaining, “Oh, my life is a mess because I can’t make it work with my wife, and our intimacy is nonexistent.” You show empathy, and they guilt-trip you, crying about their circumstances. You decide to help them, thinking, “Once I get them out of the rut, we will be together.”
But what happens? A few months pass, and when you create a little pressure, they will flip and show you their true self. They might say, “I can’t leave the mother of my children,” pretending to be a victim of their circumstances. They will drag you along, saying things like, “You have all the space you want to date. Go ahead.”
But what about the intensity? You made it feel real. You showed up, which is something a typical narcissist doesn’t do. Even seasoned victims can fall for the tricks of this type of narcissist.
The Emotional Rollercoaster and Plausible Deniability
When you try to move on, they will become jealous. Their abandonment trauma and anxiety will kick in. Suddenly, you will receive calls and messages. They might say, “I have realized I want to be with you. Let’s give it one more try.” You stop pursuing other options and come back, still trauma-bonded and wondering, “What was that? How could I be so close to you, and now I don’t mean anything?”
The bottom line is that this type of narcissist wants you to stay, but not as a permanent partner—rather, they want you as an object or someone they can use for emotional support, like a “mommy” at their disposal.
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