Confusion about Ownership
When you’ve been with a narcissistic abuser, even simple things like knowing what’s yours can feel confusing. Narcissists have a way of making you doubt your own decisions, including what you can keep, give away, or throw out. Maybe they criticized you for buying something or guilted you for getting rid of items they once claimed were important. Over time, this constant second-guessing leaves you feeling unsure about your belongings. Psychotherapist Beverly Engel, in her book The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, explains that abusers blur boundaries to keep their victims feeling dependent and disempowered. It’s no wonder you might hesitate to declutter. What if you accidentally get rid of something you’re not supposed to? This uncertainty can make it hard to let go of anything, which is how clutter builds up. But here’s the truth: it’s your stuff. You have the right to decide what stays and what goes. Reclaiming this sense of ownership can be a big step toward healing. Author Karen Kingston, in her book Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, suggests starting small—focus on items that clearly belong to you and that reflect the life you want to create. By sorting through your things, you’re not just clearing space; you’re breaking free from the control the narcissist tried to keep over you. Trust yourself—you don’t need anyone else’s permission to decide what feels right for you.
Finally, we’re down to number seven.
Fear of Future Scarcity
After enduring narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to fall into a mindset where you feel like you’ll never have enough—whether it’s love, resources, or even material things. Narcissists are often manipulative; they make you believe that you have to keep holding on to things just to survive, especially when it comes to possessions. You might start hoarding items out of fear that if you get rid of them, you’ll regret it later or be left with nothing. This fear of not having enough in the future is a coping mechanism that stems from the emotional deprivation you’ve experienced. Psychologist Dr. Bonnie Zucker, in The Anxiety Toolkit, explains that when your sense of security has been damaged, it’s natural to cling to what you have, believing it will protect you. But here’s the thing: holding on to everything in fear of future scarcity can keep you stuck in the past, unable to move forward. The reality is that material things won’t fill the emotional gaps left by the abuse. Letting go of the need to hoard doesn’t mean you’re letting go of security; it means you’re creating space for the life and abundance you truly deserve. By slowly shifting your mindset from scarcity to trust, you start to break free from the grip that fear and clutter have had on your life.
Author Gretchen Rubin, in Outer Order, Inner Calm, writes that when we clear our space, we clear our mind. Start by reclaiming small pockets of order: one shelf, one corner of a room. It’s not about creating a picture-perfect home; it’s about reminding yourself that you deserve peace and stability. Little by little, as you tidy up your surroundings, you might notice your mind feels a bit calmer too. You’re breaking free from the chaos that the narcissist thrived on, and that’s a powerful step forward.
In conclusion, recognizing the connection between chronic clutter and the impact of narcissistic abuse can be an eye-opening experience. It’s a journey toward healing—one that requires patience, self-compassion, and the understanding that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Whether it’s grappling with triggers, addressing emotional voids, or overcoming confusion about ownership, remember that each action you take to declutter is a declaration of your sovereignty.
You are taking back your life, your space, and your peace of mind. Embrace the transformation! You have the power to create an environment that reflects your true self—one that nurtures, inspires, and empowers you to thrive. Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and every small step you take is a monumental victory in breaking free from the shadows of narcissistic abuse. Keep going, and take pride in your progress. You deserve it!
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