The main reason narcissists generally seem to be okay immediately after a breakup, while you, on the other hand, are feeling lost, confused, and devastated, is that you have lost something—or at least you feel that you have lost something. In contrast, narcissists haven’t really lost anything at all. That’s the beauty of the trauma bond and the illusion of the person they presented, which caused you to fall for them and believe certain things that could never have possibly been true. This creates an intense addiction towards them because they played with your emotions for so long that you struggle to live your life without those ups and downs.
Immediately after the breakup with a narcissist, regardless of how it happened, they still feel your energy being poured into them. They know that you are still trauma bonded to them and believe that if they wanted to get you back, you would be there for them. Even if you are skeptical about going back, they think they have a fighting chance at winning you over. Because they are still absorbing your energy, and since you still want closure, clarity, and the fake person you once believed to be their true self—who you haven’t seen in a long time—they feel that they still have a hold over you.
Consequently, it’s easier for them to move on. They can use your energy and recycle it into pursuing new sources of supply to get their needs met. However, this dynamic only lasts for so long. Over time, while the person who was with the narcissist tends to be devastated immediately after the breakup, the narcissist often feels fine at first. This role tends to reverse over time, especially if the person tries to heal and accepts what happened. Assuming the person holds their head high and moves on, the energy dynamic shifts. The narcissist, despite their new source of distraction, begins to feel the diminishing effects of the harm they caused you.
Initially, the narcissist thrives on the validation they receive from knowing they have power over you. They find gratification in how much they’ve devastated you, which provides a temporary sense of satisfaction. However, as time passes, the person who was wronged begins to heal. Time naturally favors the one who is healing; it allows them to assimilate the reality of the situation, accept that the narcissist is unhealthy for them, and come to terms with their departure—even without closure from the narcissist.
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Time is always an ally for the one who has been hurt and an adversary for the narcissist. Narcissists like to maintain a sense of control, thinking that if they ever wanted you back, you’d be there for them. But the moment they sense that you might not be there anymore, especially if they lack a new supply, they can start to panic. If you stop checking their social media or seeing them in real life, they lose their ability to manipulate you.
After a short while—whether it’s 24, 48, or 72 hours—you’ll notice a shift in your emotions. Gradually, as you detach from their influence, you’ll come to see the past for what it truly was and begin to harness it as a source of strength. It allows you to reassess what you want in life, benefiting you as long as the narcissist is no longer part of your daily experience.
If you eliminate them from your life by not messaging them, checking their social media, or interacting with mutual friends, they lose their hold over you. Eventually, they will notice that you’ve moved on from the person you once were. Though they recognize you possess something of value—they once relied on you for supply—they also sense that you no longer need them. This realization can trigger their desire to regain access to you, especially if you have moved on to something better.
In conclusion, time can be your ally if you make the right decisions. It acts as the narcissist’s enemy. Be aware that they may try to reappear in subtle ways when you no longer need or desire them. They may attempt to insert themselves back into your life, not because they genuinely care, but because they want to disrupt the progress you have made. Each time they come back, their aim is to take you down further, ensuring that you struggle even harder to regain your footingonce they leave again.
Your job is to prevent them from having any influence in your life and to pursue challenges and opportunities that truly matter to you.
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