Now let’s continue to number four: abuse can be emotional, not just physical. When people think of abuse, they often picture physical violence, but emotional abuse can be just as devastating—sometimes even more. It’s harder to recognize because there are no bruises or scars you can point to, but the damage is very real. Emotional abuse wears you down over time, chipping away at your self-esteem. It makes you doubt your worth and leaves you feeling trapped. As Beverly Engel, author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, puts it, emotional abuse is insidious; it eats away at your confidence and sense of self little by little. The scars might not appear on the outside, but they can imprint deeply on your heart and mind.
Trauma therapist Shannon Thomas explains in Healing from Hidden Abuse that emotional abuse often creates invisible wounds that take longer to heal because they affect how you see yourself in the world. If someone dismisses your experience because they think abuse is only physical, remember this: just because the wounds aren’t visible doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Your pain is valid; recognizing it is the first step toward healing.
You shouldn’t miss number five: the narcissist can seem perfect to outsiders. One of the hardest things about dealing with a narcissist is that to the outside world, they seem perfect. They’re often charming, generous, and likable. They put on a show that makes people think, “Wow, what a great person!” Meanwhile, behind closed doors, they’re a completely different story. This dual personality makes getting others to believe what you’re going through incredibly tough. Dr. George Simon, in In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, explains this well: narcissists are experts at impression management. These people craft their image to ensure they always look good, especially when they know they’re being watched. So when you try to explain the abuse, people might look at you like you’re the one overreacting because the narcissist’s public mask is so convincing. This perfect image also makes you doubt yourself; you might think, “If everyone else sees them as amazing, maybe I’m the problem.” But trust me, you’re not. Narcissists thrive on creating confusion and hiding their true nature. Remember, just because they fool others doesn’t mean your experiences aren’t real. The gap between their public persona and private behavior is all part of their manipulative strategy, not a reflection of you.
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