Are you still up for number six? It’s exhausting to explain. Trying to explain what you’ve been through with a narcissist can feel like running a marathon you didn’t sign up for. Every time you share your story, reliving those painful moments takes so much emotional energy. On top of that, you’re often met with reactions like, “Are you sure it was that bad?” or “Maybe you’re just too sensitive,” which makes it even harder. Dr. Judith Herman, in her book Trauma and Recovery, describes how survivors of abuse often face the burden of proof when they speak out. Instead of being supported, they’re asked to justify their pain, and that constant need to explain is not only exhausting but also re-traumatizing. It’s not always about one big event; it’s the accumulation of subtle manipulations, gaslighting, and emotional wounds over time. Explaining that to someone who hasn’t experienced it can feel impossible, especially if they don’t take you seriously. Setting boundaries about when and how you share your story is okay; you don’t owe anyone an explanation if it drains you or leaves you feeling invalidated. Your healing comes first, not convincing others of your pain.
Let’s keep it moving to number seven: support is more helpful than advice. When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, what you need most is someone to truly hear you, not someone to tell you what to do. It’s frustrating when people jump in with advice like, “Just leave them,” or “You need to stand up for yourself,” as if the situation is that simple. While they might mean well, advice often comes across as dismissive, making you feel like your struggles are being minimized. Trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score that feeling heard and understood is the foundation for healing. What helps is someone who listens without judgment and says, “I’m here for you,” rather than trying to fix things. Support is about being present, not providing solutions. When someone offers a safe space to talk, it helps you process your feelings and rebuild your confidence. Advice can feel like pressure, as if you’re doing something wrong by not acting fast enough or in the right way. Instead, being there—making a phone call or giving a hug—can be far more powerful. By focusing on offering compassion instead of quick fixes, you’re giving a person the strength and support they need to heal on their own terms.
Here comes number eight: people often enable the narcissist. One of the most frustrating things about dealing with a narcissist is how the people around them often enable their behavior without even realizing it. Friends, family, or co-workers might make excuses like, “That’s just how they are,” or tell you to “let it go,” as if the problem isn’t a big deal. This can make you feel even more isolated and misunderstood. According to Dr. Carol McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Free of You?, enablers often downplay the narcissist’s behavior because their charm fools them, or they don’t want to confront the truth. Instead of holding the narcissist accountable, they pressure you to adjust, which only adds to your pain. What people don’t realize is that enabling a narcissist doesn’t just hurt you; it empowers the abuser to keep doing what they’re doing. When others minimize the abuse or push you to move on without addressing it, it sends a message that their actions don’t have consequences. Healing starts when you surround yourself with people who listen, believe you, and stand by you instead of the narcissist’s facade.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
