When you learn to pause between a trigger and your response, you create space to choose how to react. This pause will prove to be your superpower, especially when dealing with a narcissist. A simple pause gives you time to remind yourself that you don’t want to give in to the narcissist’s manipulation; you actually want to maintain control and autonomy, keeping them guessing. Suddenly, they are left without their favorite tool of control, and that will definitely catch them by surprise, especially if they have been able to manipulate you easily in the past.
Narcissists thrive on drama and emotional highs. They push your buttons to create chaos, allowing them to swoop in as either the victim or the savior. When you don’t provide that expected drama, their whole script falls apart. They can’t play their usual role, which throws them off balance. To take this even deeper, narcissists have a deep-seated fear of being insignificant, and they use your strong reactions—whether positive or negative—to feed their sense of importance.
So, when you tame those triggers, you’re essentially telling them that they don’t have the power to shake your world or get to you anymore. This will be very unsettling for them, as it challenges their sense of control and importance, which is everything to a narcissist; that’s their whole identity. If you want revenge, this is one of the best ways to go about it. You probably won’t see an immediate breakdown in their response, but you will notice confusion and maybe even desperation as they squirm to find other ways to get to you.
Welcome to the Common Ego Community! For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Christina, and I’m a toxic relationship recovery coach. If you’ve recently come to the end of a relationship with a narcissist and want help with the strategies we’re covering today—and many more—check out the Breakthrough Intensive, a guided six-week program to help you achieve the absolute best revenge against a narcissist: complete detachment, walking away, and living your best life. There’s a link in the description for that.
Now, let’s talk about one of my favorite ways to get revenge against a narcissist. Trust me—they won’t see this one coming, and that is by setting boundaries. Boundaries are like kryptonite to a narcissist because they limit the narcissist’s access to you.
Let’s start with the basics: contact boundaries. You need to figure out what contact boundaries work best for you before you can enforce them. Some common contact boundaries are no contact, gray rock, yellow rock, and low contact.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
