No contact is self-explanatory, but it must be enforced to the fullest. Be sure to block the narcissist everywhere; if they’ve had unlimited access to you before, this will be an absolute shock to them. However, you won’t see the evidence of their reaction because you’ve got them blocked everywhere.
The next level of contact boundary is called gray rock. This is when your communications with a narcissist are kept to what’s absolutely necessary and nothing more. Even with that, you should remove any emotion from your voice and body language, becoming as boring as a gray rock. If you’re doing this right, the narcissist will absolutely notice a difference. Depending on your situation, this may be exactly what you need, or it may cause more problems for you.
If you can’t go no contact and think gray rock will be problematic, consider yellow rock or low contact. These methods are similar to one another and offer a way for you to continue showing up as yourself, but not as often and without sharing as much information. You can think of yellow rock as a less rigid and robotic version of gray rock. If done right, it can typically go unnoticed by the narcissist while also preventing their access to information about you, which they would only use to manipulate you.
In addition to contact boundaries, you’re going to want to establish boundaries around what behavior you will accept from the narcissist in your life. For example, if they start calling you names, raising their voice, or becoming combative or argumentative, that may be a boundary for you, and you may want to shut down the conversation. Remember that boundaries always have consequences. If they cross that boundary, shutting down the conversation is a suitable consequence. You can say something like, “Listen, this is getting out of hand; this is crossing my boundary, or this is going nowhere. We can pick this up at another time.”
As a side note, it’s usually best not to use the word “boundary” with a narcissist because that tends to open the door for a whole other argument. If you’re setting and enforcing this boundary, you probably already have an argument on the table. It’s usually more effective to say something like, “This isn’t going anywhere, and neither of us is getting what we want out of this, so let’s take a break and revisit it later.
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