There’s a good reason we should strive to have enough good sleep. Sleep is essential for our well-being, not just for physical health but for mental and emotional balance too. Yet for many victims of narcissistic abuse, a good night’s rest can feel like an impossible luxury. “I need more sleep; come back in a month!” If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake, tossing and turning with your mind racing or your body on high alert, you’re not alone. The effects of narcissistic abuse don’t just disappear when the relationship ends; sometimes they linger in ways we don’t even realize.
Today, we’ll explore the hidden causes behind why victims of narcissistic abuse struggle to sleep, shedding light on the complex ways emotional trauma can disrupt your ability to rest. Are you ready for number one?
Intrusive Thoughts: When you’re going through narcissistic abuse, your mind often feels like it’s stuck on repeat, playing the greatest hits of every hurtful thing the narcissist said or did to you. The worst thing is that it usually happens when you’re trying to sleep. Those intrusive thoughts—replays of past arguments, manipulative words, or even gaslighting moments—hijack your peace when you need it most. This mental replay isn’t random either. Experts like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explain that trauma affects the brain’s ability to feel safe and stay calm. When you have been on the receiving end of manipulative or demeaning behavior, your brain often stays on high alert even long after the abuse has ended. This heightened state can make your thoughts feel louder and more urgent at night because it’s when everything else is quiet. It’s no wonder sleep feels impossible—your mind is busy trying to process the emotional wounds. The key, though, lies in learning to pause that mental replay. Journaling, mindfulness exercises, or even telling yourself, “I don’t have to solve this right now,” can create some space between you and those intrusive thoughts.
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