Do nice guys finish last? Hmmm – tough one. There are many things nice guys always do wrong that they don’t understand. If you want to stop being the nice guy in life and stop having people take advantage of you, you must stop making these mistakes.
Number 1: Reciprocal Investment
You shouldn’t be the only one investing in your relationships. This happens to nice guys all the time. They dedicate too much time and way too much effort while their friends don’t do much of anything. Instead of saying something, nice guys let their friends get away with it. The truth is, this lopsided relationship isn’t doing anyone any favors, and it definitely doesn’t build stronger bonds. You see, you need mutual investment to create trust. Every relationship should be a two-way street, not just one person doing all the work. Most of the time, nice guys realize that something’s wrong; they know their relationship isn’t fair, but they just don’t do anything about it. They act like it’s okay to inconvenience themselves as long as it doesn’t affect their friends. On the surface, it seems like they’re doing the right thing, but deep down, they’re actually damaging the relationship. You need your friends and partners to invest; otherwise, they won’t care as much as you do. If they don’t care, the relationship is going to have a hard time surviving down the road.
Number 2: Immediate Forgiveness
Leniency can be a great quality; it’s one of the most important parts of a strong relationship. But not everything can be forgiven, especially not right away. Nice guys make a habit of forgiving their friends and partners without a second thought whenever they do something wrong. Nice guys welcome them back with open arms. Just imagine your friend ditches you over and over again. They keep making commitments to you, but they never follow through. Anyone would get frustrated, right? But someone who’s too nice won’t hold them accountable for their mistakes. They’d forgive and forget no matter how many times their friend leaves them out to dry. So why shouldn’t you immediately forgive your friends? The simple fact is it’s bad for the relationship. Your forgiveness creates a toxic dynamic. It tells the other person that they can get away with anything; no matter what they do, you’ll always forgive them. This is one of the biggest reasons why nice guys are taken advantage of so often. Your friends don’t think there are any consequences, so they do whatever they want. They lose respect for you as an individual with feelings and boundaries. So don’t instantly forgive them. Don’t pretend like the people in your life never do anything wrong. Hey, it’s important to trust them, and you should give them the benefit of the doubt when it matters. But you have to take your own feelings into account too. Your thoughts and emotions are just as important as anyone else’s. So don’t forgive someone because you feel like you have to. This is another big problem for people who are too nice; they forgive on the outside without forgiving on the inside. In other words, you may not be mentally and emotionally ready to let it go. Hey, it’s okay to be mad; it’s okay to take your time and think things through. Nice guys pretend these negative feelings just don’t exist, but that denial just creates problems later on. So even if you have the best intentions, it’s never a good idea to sweep your issues under the table. Instead, confront your feelings in the moment, and that way, when someone says, “Hey, I’m sorry,” you really can forgive them.
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