So what do they do? They stay stuck in a loop. They chase people they cannot have, idolize those who reject them, and discard those who love them. They crave attention, not affection; control, not connection. When someone stops reacting, begging, or explaining, that becomes the ultimate trigger. You are no longer the toy they left on the floor; you are the toy someone else might pick up.
The less you care, the more they panic because their entire identity depends on mattering to someone—being someone’s obsession, taking up space in someone’s mind. When they do not have that, what do they do? They do not know who they are. So when you go quiet, when you stop giving them your emotional energy, they start spiraling. They project, they come back, they provoke, they create drama just to see if you will respond. And when you do, poof—they’re gone. Any reaction from you means they still matter.
What happens if you do not react? They try harder because they’re not chasing love; they’re chasing a mirror. They need you to reflect back to them who they think they are.
Now, I’m not making any of this up. It’s not something I feel; in fact, it was confirmed by a narcissist a long time ago. I had an accidental session with him, and in that session, I asked him what drives him. What makes someone so attractive to him? His response was that if someone is empathetic, influential, powerful, has money, and is hard to get, it excites him. The harder it is to get them, the more motivated he feels to win that trophy.
Because for him, it’s all about bringing them down to his level. And then, when he gets what he wants, he starts hating them. He loses interest. It’s a crazy belief system. He thinks that if they were strong and real, they wouldn’t have fallen for the tricks. Now that they’re there, it simply means they’re weak, and then he moves on to someone else.
Again, they need you to reflect that they’re powerful, desirable, and superior. If you’re not reacting, that reflection disappears, and so do they, because without attention, they cannot survive.
What people do not understand is that narcissists do not leave because they are done; they leave because they assume you will chase them. And when you do not, it throws them into an identity crisis. They will circle back. Your silence has robbed them of their favorite drug—your pain. They crave your confusion, your sadness, your heartbreak. That is what makes them feel important; that is what tells them they still have control.
When you stop feeding it, they come crawling back—not with humility, not with growth, not with a changed heart, but with a fresh performance. This is the moment you have to see clearly. They do not want to fix anything with you; they want to reset the loop. They want to re-enroll you in the story where they are the sun and you revolve around them. That’s why they call, why they show up, why they present those fake apologies, why they cry and beg and promise.
They’re not chasing you; they’re chasing their lost reflection. The second you offer it again, the second you go back to explaining, justifying, hoping they will lose interest, the mirror is back, the control is back. Their belief system is reinforced, the supply is secured, and that means the chase is over. So they drop you again, or they start the same games again, or they emotionally ghost you until you feel worthless. Ultimately, the cycle repeats.
The Power of Indifference
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
