For example, the first comment you might say is, “You have some serious control issues.” Watch that person squirm when you say that. Most narcissists find it highly offensive, which charges their anger. The implication is that when you tell them they have control issues, they see it as insulting. Deep down, they know that’s not a good way to live. Their offense shows an astonishing lack of self-awareness; they don’t understand how their control comes across. If you call them out on it, they will likely be terribly offended.
I remember one woman whose husband was in my office. He said to her, “You have some serious control issues,” and she pointed her finger at him, speaking sternly, “Oh no, I am not a controlling person! In fact, I am the least controlling person you have ever met.” I thought, “Wow, talk about a lack of awareness.” She was offended by the suggestion of control, which sent her into anger.
Another common phrase you might say is, “I’d like for you to listen to my perspective.” That’s a fair request, but when perspectives differ, narcissists often don’t want to hear it. I had a woman in my office who asked her highly controlling husband if she could share her perspective. He responded, “I don’t need your perspective.” When I tried to intervene, he wagged his finger and said, “Don’t go there.” His anger indicated a deep insecurity; their anger often covers insecurities.
A third comment could be, “We’ve already talked about this.” This can trigger the narcissist’s anger because they may see it as you trying to shut them down. Instead of acknowledging the past discussion, they want to continue rambling on.
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