You’re not failing to understand people, things, and situations because you’re close-minded. A possible reason for this is that someone blindfolded you or made you see the world through their lenses. Today, we’ll talk about how narcissistic abuse changes the way you see the world.
Are you ready for number one? You see relationships as potential traps. What if love isn’t a safe haven but a trap waiting to unfold? That’s the reality you start living after experiencing narcissistic abuse. You no longer see relationships as places of comfort and support, but as potential threats. After all you’ve been through, you’ve seen the cycle before: the love-bombing, the slow erosion of your confidence, the feeling of being controlled without even realizing it.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissistic abuse, explains that survivors often develop a heightened sense of weariness, always scanning for red flags because they’ve learned that even kindness can be a disguise. You start questioning everyone’s intentions. A compliment feels like manipulation, and a promise feels like it was made to be broken. Even when someone genuinely cares, you wonder, “What’s the catch?”
This shift in perspective isn’t just emotional; it rewires your brain. Your nervous system has been trained to expect betrayal, making trust feel like a reckless gamble rather than a foundation for connection. That’s why even safe relationships can feel suffocating. You might pull away the moment someone gets too close, fearing history will repeat itself. Healing starts when you recognize that your fear is a survival response, not a universal truth. The real challenge isn’t avoiding relationships; it’s learning how to tell the difference between a genuine connection and another disguised trap.
Let’s talk about number two: you question your perceptions. After being gaslighted so many times, you stop trusting your own eyes, ears, and instincts. Even when something feels blatantly wrong, that little voice in your head whispers, “Are you sure? Maybe you’re just overreacting.” This isn’t just self-doubt; it’s conditioning. Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, explains that gaslighting works because it slowly erodes your confidence, making you question reality itself.
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