You shouldn’t miss number five: you expect rejection before it happens. What’s the point of getting attached if they’re just going to leave anyway? That’s the thought that lingers in the back of your mind after narcissistic abuse. When you’ve been discarded—whether through silent treatments, sudden breakups, or emotional neglect—you start to believe that abandonment is inevitable. Even when someone genuinely cares about you, there’s a part of you that stays on high alert, waiting for the moment they walk away.
Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that when rejection becomes a pattern, your brain starts treating it as a certainty rather than a possibility. So instead of enjoying your relationships, you prepare for the ending. You overanalyze people’s moods, distance yourself before they can, or even push them away because at least you get to be the one in control of the goodbye.
The problem is that expecting rejection often turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you’re always bracing for abandonment, it’s hard to fully connect with people. That emotional distance can make them pull away—not because they were going to leave, but because they never felt truly led in. Trauma expert Dr. Janina Fisher describes this as preemptive rejection, where survivors unconsciously create the outcome they fear.
But here’s the truth: not everyone is going to leave. Yes, some people will, but others will stay if you let them. Healing starts when you recognize that past abandonment doesn’t define your future relationships. Instead of assuming rejection is inevitable, give people a chance to prove you wrong.
Are you still up for number six? You have a hard time feeling safe. Safety—whether emotional, financial, or even physical—starts to feel temporary, like something that can be ripped away at any moment. Maybe you were once in a place where you thought you were secure, only to have the rug pulled out from under you. So now, when things are stable, you don’t relax; you wait for disaster.
Dr. Pete Walker, author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, explains that survivors of prolonged trauma develop an overactive alarm system, always scanning for threats even when none exist. It’s not paranoia; it’s survival. You’ve learned that peace doesn’t last, so instead of enjoying it, you prepare for the moment it disappears. This makes it hard to trust even the good things in life.
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