They often convey their manipulations through blame and accusation. They want to whittle down your sense of resolve; that’s one way they can hook you. Sometimes, they’ll attack your character, saying things like, “Nobody believes in you, not even I.” This can easily hook you, as they throw insults and condescending comments your way.
When you’re on the receiving end of this, they may ask loaded questions: “What prompted you to come up with this?” or “What were you hoping to accomplish?” As they ask these questions, they search for weaknesses in your logic. When they find them—and they inevitably will—they’ll jump on you, and before you know it, you’ll be caught up in the agitation that follows.
Sometimes, they may use seduction, promising future benefits: “If you go along with me, everything will work out well.” But once you comply, you realize they were only using you for their temporary gain. Or they might compliment you, saying, “You’re a fine person—now come do my bidding.” Later, you discover it was all fool’s gold; they were manipulating you.
Narcissists have many ways of setting their hooks. They may shun you and withdraw harshly as a punishment, with the intent to make you do what they want. If that works, you might find yourself thinking, “I can’t stand it when they do that to me,” and you fall for it.
They may also gaslight you, creating confusion about your interpretations: “Did that really happen? Are you sure you remember that correctly?” Before you know it, you’re losing your sense of resolve, which is exactly what they want. They aim to create ongoing flustered feelings in you, and as long as they keep you dysregulated, that’s their hook.
If you’ve been around a narcissist for any length of time—whether it’s someone you live with, a family member, or a coworker—you know they will play these baiting games continuously. Part of your frustration is knowing it’s just going to keep coming.
So how can we prevent you from taking the bait? We know they will be who they are, but how can you respond in a way that says, “I don’t want to do this anymore”?
Here are five key points to consider:
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