Narcissistic men aren’t psychologically straight, even though sxually they may be. They sleep with women, flirt with them, and even marry them, but deep down, their loyalty, admiration, and emotional allegiance belong to men. Not always in a romantic or sxual sense, but in a way that reveals something far darker: an obsession with male dominance, a pathological need for approval from other men, and a deep-seated belief that women are fundamentally flawed and inferior. This is more than attraction; it is codependency on male validation. It’s not just disturbing; it’s misogyny in its rawest form.
These men use women as trophies but worship men as gods. They may make love to their wives in the bedroom and then spend hours anxiously obsessing over whether their male friends, fathers, or brothers approve of how they are living their lives. Their definition of manhood is not internal; it is shaped by a fraternity of male figures whose opinions matter more than their own spouse’s emotional safety. That is what makes them emotionally dependent on male dominance.
This isn’t about the narcissistic dynamic; sxual orientation matters. A gày man may not desire women, but that doesn’t mean he sees them as worthless. In fact, many gày men have deep friendships with women because they recognize their intellect, humanity, and strength. A narcissistic man, on the other hand, sees women as beneath him. He can be straight, married, and even have children, but in his mind, women are emotional laborers, caretakers, or background props. He does not respect their ideas, their voices, or their autonomy. He needs women to exist in the orbit of his ego, not to challenge him, guide him, or grow with him.
This is where it gets psychologically twisted. A narcissistic man does not operate as an individual; he operates as a puppet of male expectation. His identity isn’t anchored in values, integrity, or truth; it is anchored in how other men perceive him. He is terrified of being seen as weak, soft, emotional, or under the influence of a woman. To him, that is the ultimate humiliation. That’s why he would rather betray his wife than disappoint his brother. That is why he will risk his family’s well-being to maintain his place in the male hierarchy.
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This is not just some abstract sociological idea; it was the lived reality of my childhood. My father was the psychological extension of his own father, his shadow. Every decision in our household, big or small, went through a shadow government made up of my grandfather and my father’s brothers. My mother, despite being the one who cooked for him, cleaned for him, and worked for him, never had a say. Even though she was a covert narcissist, she could not decide where we lived, which school I went to, or whether we took a loan or invested in land. Her voice was always optional, but his father’s was not. His brother’s opinions weren’t; their approval was sacred.
There were times we did not even know what was happening in our own home. My father would hold secrets from us, keeping us in the dark, but his brothers and father knew everything. They were aware; it was a circle of ensnared men, emotionally loyal only to each other, feeding off each other’s sense of importance while treating their wives and daughters like side characters. The women did the work; the men made the decisions. That was the unspoken law, the unspoken rule. They were not leading their own lives; they were performing masculinity for each other. Their masculinity was not real; it was performative—a narcissistic showcase of dominance that heavily relied on how other men behaved toward them. It was never about truth, justice, kindness, or stability; it was always about pride, control, and reputation.
The irony is that these men think they are alpha, but the truth is they’re emotionally neutered. They can’t make a decision without running it through the filter of male judgment. They fear the rejection of other men more than the pain of their own wives, and that makes them codependent on patriarchy in a way that is both pathetic and dangerous.
Now here are some signs of narcissistic behavior—signs that prove this dynamic exists and plays out in real life:
- He downplays his wife’s opinions in front of other men. If she speaks up with a valid point, he will interrupt, joke, or change the subject—not because she is wrong, but because he can’t risk looking like he is being guided by her in front of his male peers.
- His behavior changes when he is around his male circle. He becomes louder, more aggressive, rude, and dismissive of his wife, children, or girlfriend. He plays the role of a hyper-masculine version of himself that does not tolerate emotion, sensitivity, or compromise of any kind.
- He keeps major life decisions between himself and his male relatives. His wife may live in the same house and raise the same children, but she is the last one to know. His father, brother, or friends hear it all first.
- He protects male loyalty over marital loyalty. If his wife is mistreated by one of his male relatives, he will defend the man, not her. He will twist logic, shift blame, or gaslight her into believing she is overreacting.
- He uses women’s labor but never shares power. She can work for him, earn for him, nurture him, and still be denied the authority to make basic decisions. Her contributions are treated as obligations, not assets.
- He idolizes male dominance and thinks femininity is weak. He mocks men who cry and shames women who lead. He sees submission as feminine and therefore disgusting, so he masks all emotion in sarcasm, silence, or rage.
- He gossips with his male circle about his wife, not for advice, but to boost his status—to show he is in control and to perform his superiority. Meanwhile, his wife is clueless that her life is being dissected like a story at a poker table.
- He can’t handle criticism from a woman, which is important, but will tolerate it from a man. If his wife challenges him, he explodes or retreats. But if a man corrects him, he will listen, reflect, or even thank them. That is not sensitivity; it’s hierarchy.
- He does not see his wife as a partner; he sees her as a service provider. Her emotional needs are burdensome, her boundaries are disrespectful, and her intellect is threatening. He does not want an equal; he wants an emotional slave.
- He fears male shame more than emotional failure. If the men in his circle mock him for letting his wife have the upper hand, he would rather destroy the marriage than be seen as weak among those cowardly men.
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This is not psychological heterosxuality; it’s a warped brotherhood where masculinity is sustained by suppressing women and obeying other men. In such dynamics, the narcissistic man can never be truly intimate with a woman because intimacy does not just require physicality; it requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is punished in his male cult. So he remains emotionally severed—sxually active but psychologically chained to male approval.
Let’s be clear: this is misogyny. It is not just a preference for male company; it is a world where women are reduced to tools, caretakers, and total distractions. A world where a man can marry a woman, impregnate her, use her, and still believe she is not worthy of being informed or included in decisions about her own life. A world where a woman can share a bed with a man and still be treated as an outsider. My father lived in that world and still continues to, and he wasn’t alone. Every man in his family treated women the same way.
I grew up watching men treat their wives like afterthoughts while bowing to the opinions of their male elders. They did not just ignore their wives; they belittled them, mocked them, and erased them behind closed doors. It was the woman who ran the house, but outside, their voices did not matter. That psychological duality damages children, destroys marriages, and spreads generational trauma.
This is why I say narcissistic men are not psychologically straight, because straightness isn’t just about sx; it is about your internal alignment, your respect for the opposite sx, your ability to emotionally bond, and your willingness to see them as equals. A man who fears women’s minds but worships male control is not a healthy heterosxual; he is a psychological slave to patriarchy. He’s not building a life with a woman; he’s using her body and outsourcing his brain to other men.
So if, as a woman, you are going through this and you feel invisible in your marriage—if you are doing all the work but your husband still runs to his father, brother, or friend for every major decision—if he mocks your voice but takes advice from his drunk uncle—if you feel like you’re married but still outside the circle—then you must know you’re not crazy. You’re seeing the truth, and that truth is their kryptonite.
To the narcissistic men who may be listening to this and feel triggered, let me ask you: If your wife and your male friend gave you opposite advice, whose opinion would carry more weight? If your father disapproved of your choice but your wife supported it, would you go forward or back off? If your spouse expressed pain, would you validate it, or would you run to your brother and ask if you are being too soft? Those answers reveal more than your sxuality; they reveal your psychology.
Being psychologically straight means emotionally respecting women, as I explained—not just desiring them. It means seeing them as whole humans, not just roles. It means building a life where their voices echo just as loudly as your father’s once did. Until men begin to unlearn this emotional dependence on male dominance, they will continue to call themselves straight, alpha, while living like closeted misogynists.
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