You know, I’ve heard many experts say that fear isn’t real. That is such a bunch of baloney. Fear is so real! In fact, there are probably things that you’re afraid of doing right now in your life—whether in your relationships or at work. The fact that you’re afraid is robbing you of all the experiences you want to have.
I mean, if you’re afraid to fly, that’s going to limit your ability to travel and see the world or visit friends. If you’re afraid of public speaking, that’s going to limit your ability to express yourself and share your ideas. If you’re afraid of talking to your boss or asking for a raise, that directly impacts how much money you make. What if you dream of starting a business or have already started one, but you’re afraid to talk to people about it? Fear stops us all, and that’s why I’m here to talk to you—it doesn’t have to.
Fear is real, but I am going to share a secret weapon that I have used for years to overcome every single fear that used to stop me.
Now, before we get into this secret weapon, I just want to cover a few facts about fear: what it is, what it isn’t, and some things you may or may not know about it.
First, fear is a physical state in your body that is exactly the same as excitement. Let me say that again: fear and excitement are the exact same physical state. Your heart races, you might sweat a little, feel tightening in your chest, or have a pit in your stomach. You have a surge of cortisol—it’s basically how your body goes into a hyperaware state because it’s ready for action.
Now, what’s the difference between fear and excitement? It’s really simple. The only difference is what your brain is doing while your body is all agitated. If you’re excited, your brain is thinking, “Oh wow, this is going to be so cool to ride this roller coaster!” If you’re afraid, your brain is saying, “Oh no way! There’s no way I’m doing that! This is dangerous!”
Understanding this is critical because we can use the fact that your mind is either working for you (with excitement) or against you (with fear) to our advantage.
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You may have heard the advice, “Feel the fear and do it anyway,” or “Just try to calm down and think positive thoughts.” But it doesn’t work, does it? There’s a reason for that. When you’re afraid, your body is in a state of arousal and agitation, and you’re hyperaware of what’s going on. It’s very difficult to go from that state of agitation to a calm one. It’s like trying to stop a train by throwing a boulder on the tracks—it causes a disaster. Research has shown that when you try to ignore your fears, it actually makes them worse. Positive thinking alone can also exacerbate your fears.
So, what do you do?
What do you do when you’re about to talk to your boss and you feel afraid? What do you do when you have to get on a plane and you’re terrified of flying? What do you do if you have to give a presentation and you’re afraid of public speaking?
Here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to use a strategy—the same one that I use—that has helped me overcome every single fear and turned me into someone who thrives in high-stress situations. This is how you do it: you’re going to use my 5-second rule in combination with what I call an anchor thought. This will help reframe what your mind is doing, shifting it from agitation to excitement. It works like magic!
I’ve used this technique for years. One way I want to introduce you to it is by taking you backstage to a speech I delivered this year. You’re going to see me behind the major set, just before walking out. You can hear the crowd roaring, my introductory video is playing, and my body is in a state of arousal—my heart is racing, my arms are sweating.
I’m excited! Excitement and fear are the same thing in your body; it’s just what your brain calls it. Here’s a trick, proven by science, that I use every time I speak: when I start to sweat, when I feel butterflies, and my heart races, I say to myself, “I’m excited!” This sends a message to my brain that tells it why my body’s agitated.
Now, I want to give you one more example to ensure you really grasp how to use this. Many of you have written to me about your fear of flying, and I can relate because I used to have the same fear.
Here’s how you’re going to conquer it: First, come up with an anchor thought before you do something that makes you nervous. An anchor thought is something that grounds you, preventing a situation from escalating into a panic attack.
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For flying, pick an anchor thought related to your trip. For example, if I’m flying back home to Michigan, my anchor thought might be a picture in my mind of my mom and me walking on the shores of Lake Michigan. This thought makes me happy and excited, and it relates to my trip.
Now that you have your anchor thought, you’re ready to beat the fear. Here’s how you do it: When turbulence hits on the plane and my heart starts racing, I can’t control how my body feels, but I can control what I think. So, when turbulence hits, I count down: 5-4-3-2-1. This is essential because it helps you switch gears in your mind, awakening your prefrontal cortex and signaling that you’re in control of your thoughts.
After counting down, I focus on my anchor thought—imagining walking on the beach with my mom and dad. I tell myself, “I’m so excited to walk on the shores of Lake Michigan!”
Remarkably, your brain responds because you’ve interrupted the fear and used the 5-second rule. You’ve also provided your brain with a vision that makes sense based on your situation.
Dana used this technique and says she’s never been so calm while flying. Sarah, who was petrified of flying, utilized the 5-second rule and her anchor thought, and now she’s flying on a helicopter tour in Hawaii!
For those of you who fear public speaking, check out this photo of Carol. She overcame her fear and gave a speech to her nursing colleagues, something she had on her bucket list!
Fear is real, but you can’t control the feelings that arise in your body when you’re on a plane, talking to your boss, or encountering someone attractive. However, you can always control your thoughts and decide on your actions.
So, the next time you feel afraid, count down 5-4-3-2-1, go to your anchor thought, and tell yourself you’re excited. That’s the power of beating fear in 5 seconds flat!
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