You may have heard the advice, “Feel the fear and do it anyway,” or “Just try to calm down and think positive thoughts.” But it doesn’t work, does it? There’s a reason for that. When you’re afraid, your body is in a state of arousal and agitation, and you’re hyperaware of what’s going on. It’s very difficult to go from that state of agitation to a calm one. It’s like trying to stop a train by throwing a boulder on the tracks—it causes a disaster. Research has shown that when you try to ignore your fears, it actually makes them worse. Positive thinking alone can also exacerbate your fears.
So, what do you do?
What do you do when you’re about to talk to your boss and you feel afraid? What do you do when you have to get on a plane and you’re terrified of flying? What do you do if you have to give a presentation and you’re afraid of public speaking?
Here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to use a strategy—the same one that I use—that has helped me overcome every single fear and turned me into someone who thrives in high-stress situations. This is how you do it: you’re going to use my 5-second rule in combination with what I call an anchor thought. This will help reframe what your mind is doing, shifting it from agitation to excitement. It works like magic!
I’ve used this technique for years. One way I want to introduce you to it is by taking you backstage to a speech I delivered this year. You’re going to see me behind the major set, just before walking out. You can hear the crowd roaring, my introductory video is playing, and my body is in a state of arousal—my heart is racing, my arms are sweating.
I’m excited! Excitement and fear are the same thing in your body; it’s just what your brain calls it. Here’s a trick, proven by science, that I use every time I speak: when I start to sweat, when I feel butterflies, and my heart races, I say to myself, “I’m excited!” This sends a message to my brain that tells it why my body’s agitated.
Now, I want to give you one more example to ensure you really grasp how to use this. Many of you have written to me about your fear of flying, and I can relate because I used to have the same fear.
Here’s how you’re going to conquer it: First, come up with an anchor thought before you do something that makes you nervous. An anchor thought is something that grounds you, preventing a situation from escalating into a panic attack.
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