They’re going to illustrate the shallowness of any previous commitment or attachment that they may have had with you. When you let it be known to that narcissist, “I’m not doing this anymore,” they can just turn it off just like that. It’s like, whoa. So now that I’ve let you know that this isn’t working, it’s as though I’m just a complete nobody to that person. And you’ll be despised, and it’s amazing how quickly they can go from being somebody that says, “Okay, you and I are on the same team,” to “I hate your guts, and don’t you ever come into my place ever again.” And they can do that very quickly. They can turn off any kind of loyalty that might have been there with you.
And then sometimes they’ll stalk you, or they’ll just show an unnatural curiosity about where you’re going and who you’re with and what you’re saying next. They may harass you in public. They may try to run a smear campaign. I say all this because it’s important for you to know that when you make that final conclusion, “I need to pull away,” it’s not going to be pretty. You hear people talk constantly when you’re dealing with a narcissist, “Well, just go no contact.” Well, we’re kind of talking here about sometimes you just need to completely pull back, but you also need to be aware of what this does. You’re disturbing that bear that’s going to come at you.
See, let’s understand certain key ingredients about a narcissist for you to prepare your mind for. These are individuals who don’t know how to move forward in a healthy way. They’re unable to take responsibility for their role in problems. They’re unable to learn from their mistakes. They’re unable to process what you feel at all. They’re unable to be humble. Can you think of a narcissist that says, “You know, I felt this coming. In all humility, I need to really think this through?” No, they’re not going to think that way.
They’re unable to be fair-minded or objective. They’re unable to take off their mask. So much of what you’re doing is you’re exposing them as the vulnerable people that they are, and that scares them to death. They’re unable to drop shame-based thinking. They have a lot of shame towards themselves, but of course, they won’t really admit that, but then they put shame on to you. They’re going to hold on to that for dear life.
They’re unable to think in any way other than adversarial. They’re unable to manage ambiguity. They’re unable to be diplomatic. And so when you say, “I’ve had enough. I’m moving forward,” you’ll need to know what you’re up against, and you’ll just kind of need to brace yourself. All of this that I’m saying and then more is going to come at you.
Now, as this begins to eventuate and you’re going through the process of shifting gears and changing your loyalties, I’m hoping that you can not get pulled into the snares of their attacks and all the rest. And there’s kind of this way of thinking that I want to see if you can anchor yourself in. Let me put it to you backwards. What you don’t want to do is you don’t want to think externally primarily. And by that, what do I need to do to make my externals look better and feel better? How do I make that person understand me or know me? In other words, if you can just get that narcissistic person out there to be okay, then you’ll be alright.
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