Narcissistic parents have a talent for showering their children with affection when in the public eye. It’s all part of their game. However, this display of affection is solely aimed at gaining admiration and approval from outsiders. I vividly recall my own mother engaging in this facade. Behind closed doors, she remained emotionally detached and uninvolved, yet in public, she effortlessly transformed into the epitome of a loving and caring mother. I would find myself taken aback, questioning what had caused this sudden change, or if I had unknowingly done something remarkable to earn her godly admiration. It’s unsettling to witness the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde dynamic of a narcissistic parent, a breeding ground for a traumatic bond with one’s own career. Their underlying motive is to present themselves as nurturing parents without any genuine concern for their child’s happiness or well-being. Their interest lies solely in the show they put on for others.
Fourth Reason: Conditional Love
The relationship between a narcissistic parent and their child is often characterized by the conditional nature of their affection. While parental love is traditionally expected to be unconditional, accepting the child as they are, narcissistic parents operate through highly transactional and conditional love. Their affection hinges on your performance and ability to fulfill their expectations. Only when you meet their standards and bask in the glow of their positive attention are you deemed worthy of their love and consideration. However, if you fail to meet their ever-shifting criteria, you swiftly become devalued and eventually discarded. Love and attention from a narcissistic parent exist solely as rewards for reflecting positively upon them.
Narcissistic parents see their children as instruments of manipulation, using them to control situations and individuals. These innocent beings are thrust into adult issues, burdened with the role of therapist, mediator, and bearer of emotional weight far beyond their capacity. They are expected to resolve conflicts and shoulder responsibilities that should never be theirs to bear. In cases where both parents exhibit narcissistic traits, the child becomes a weapon wielded against the other parent. This creates a trapped and agonizing environment for the child, deprived of support and proper guidance. They may unknowingly become pawns in the narcissistic power play in Dory manipulation until the damage has already taken its toll. The child becomes merely a means for the narcissistic parent to assert control and bask in the illusion of familial glory. Their own needs and desires are disregarded as the relationship is solely built upon the provision of narcissistic supply, devoid of authentic connection or consideration.
Narcissistic parents possess an insatiable need to present an image of the picture-perfect family. They obsess over their children’s appearances, mannerisms, and accomplishments, viewing them as reflections of their own parenting prowess. This fixation on surface-level attributes rather than genuine emotional depth erodes any real connection within the relationship. Narcissistic parents selectively treat their children, assigning roles such as the steep goat, black sheep, and golden child. The golden child who consistently meets the parents’ standards and relentlessly strives to meet their goals often loses their own sense of identity in the process. C in many instances these golden children eventually develop narcissistic traits themselves. Conversely, scapegoats who fail to meet the parents’ lofty expectations of perfection are faced with the brunt of their wrath and subjected to ongoing abuse. Fair and equal treatment among children is a concept unknown to narcissistic parents as their focus rests solely on upholding their elusory facade of flawlessness.
Fifth Reason: Idealization of the Tobler F Phas
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