Narcissists view PDA as something ordinary couples do—people who, in their eyes, are simple, predictable, and beneath them. They often believe they operate on a higher level, where love isn’t about holding hands or kissing in public, but about power, control, and admiration. Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, explains that narcissists tend to view themselves as special and unique, which means they reject anything that makes them seem like everyone else, including normal healthy displays of affection. To them, love isn’t about connection; it’s about keeping their mystique intact.
This superiority complex allows them to avoid true emotional intimacy. Admitting they want love and commitment would ruin their illusion of being above it all. Instead, they act detached, dismissing PDA as childish or unnecessary, making you feel like the one who’s too needy. As David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage, puts it, “People who fear intimacy often disguise it as disdain for conventional love.” But the truth is their avoidance isn’t about being sophisticated; it’s about protecting their ego.
If a narcissist avoids public displays of affection, it’s not about being private; it’s about power. They want to keep you uncertain, questioning your worth, and craving their approval. In private, they might shower you with attention, but in public, they act distant to remind you that they control the dynamic. Real love doesn’t make you feel hidden or unimportant. If someone truly cares about you, they won’t be afraid to acknowledge you, whether people are watching or not.
So if you constantly feel like a secret instead of a partner, maybe it’s time to stop chasing their validation and start valuing yourself instead.
Sharing is caring!
