Even though narcissistic individuals are extremely shame-avoidant, which means they don’t want to feel shame, they are also the most shameless people you will ever meet. That’s a huge contradiction, isn’t it? On one hand, a narcissist will go to great lengths to not feel any shame, but on the other, they will engage in shameless acts. The biggest proof of their shamelessness is lying to you so openly without any remorse, cheating on you, hiding stuff from you, gaslighting you into believing you are the problem, and so on. All of this requires one to be totally shameless.
Their shamelessness is manifested quite openly when they walk around in their house unclothed without caring about their children or their partner. And they don’t do it once or twice or by mistake; it’s not an accident. They do it on purpose. This is what I’m going to talk about in today’s episode because many survivors have experienced it, and so have I. If that is interesting and you want to learn more about this eccentric behavior of a narcissist, please make sure to subscribe before we begin. Because, as I always say and request, your subscription to the channel may help in spreading awareness about narcissistic abuse.
See, we all feel comfortable in our own space, in our homes, and sometimes we may walk around without wearing a lot of clothes, which is okay because we keep in mind the safety of ourselves and our children, those who live with us. We make sure it’s morally correct to do so. But when we are alone, that does not necessarily make you a narcissist. Therefore, we cannot say that just because somebody is walking naked in their own home automatically makes them a narcissist.
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That is not the concept here. The concept is narcissists have no boundaries, bodily boundaries. They do not respect yours. They are morally corrupt. They do not care about what is wrong and right and how their actions have consequences or what the impact is on other people who are experiencing them. Time and again, so many confused survivors of narcissistic abuse have shared a similar experience of witnessing the narcissist walking around unclothed without caring how it is perceived and how it looks on them.
When they were held accountable, they brushed it off as a joke. “Oh, come on, you’re being too sensitive,” or their entitlement was activated, including their grandiosity, and they made it more about, “It’s my home. I can do whatever I want. What’s the problem?” See, this is how controlling you are, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This disgusting and disgraceful behavior of a narcissist leaves all of us bamboozled because we fail to understand why a person would act this way, have no physical boundaries whatsoever.
I remember one client sharing her horrible experience with me quite early on in my practice, and she said something along the lines of the narcissist used to come home quite early from his work, and then the moment he used to get in, he would take off all his clothes and not wear them until the next morning, which meant he used to stay in that unclothed state all the time. And then she would ask him to wear something, and he would laugh it off and say, “Oh, come on. What are you talking about? Don’t you like this? Don’t you like me this way? Have you found somebody else? Is there anybody else more attractive than me that you are interested in? What’s going on in your life?”
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And that was beyond a violation because she simply used to point out a basic thing—a basic principle one must follow. He would turn it around, make it about something entirely different, and then destroy the argument. That way, it shocked me too. I was shocked with her decision, knowing that that kind of blaming would trigger her into phoning and apologizing, asking for forgiveness, and then he would grant it, and then he would get to do what he wanted to do without having her question him.
That is course control. That’s how they use counter-questioning against you. Another painful yet similar example that somebody shared with me quite recently was about the narcissist who would take a bath in front of his children without wearing anything at all. They’d be just playing around, and he would be bathing, leaving the door open. It does not make any sense. Why would an adult man do that? What kind of attention was he seeking? And how immoral that is because the word that is coming to my mouth is promiscuity, or being promiscuous, wanting that kind of attention, or abusing your children in that way, but without actually doing it physically.
My father would intentionally, an incident with my narcissistic father unintentionally, I can’t say, loosely tie up the clothes, especially the lowers he wore back then. And whenever he bent, I mean, he was around, he would be around us, and then you would see half of his butt. It’s so embarrassing to talk about this, but then it would go down since it was too loose. He wouldn’t tie it up properly. I can’t go into details more, but you can understand. It seems like they are disconnected. They don’t care who is watching them or how somebody like a child watching them is impacting the child’s mind.
It’s like they’re enjoying that kind of attention, that kind of elation, when it’s not adulation. It’s like somebody is in shock, and they’re looking at you not because they love watching you but because they don’t know what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. In narcissistic families, narcissistic parents do anything at any time. You see, there are no physical boundaries. Parents do anything at any time they want to in front of children without caring what that is doing to their developmental process. It is just that they are quite primitive. Yeah, that is the only explanation I have for you. You may be wondering why they do that.
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Well, they are like animals. Animals do it anytime, anywhere. They don’t care. They don’t have that kind of awareness. That consciousness is missing in there. So is with narcissists. They’re animals in that way. Back then, as a child, I truly concluded that my father was an animal. The way he eats, the way he sleeps, the way he carries himself around people—all of that is quite primitive, old—um, it’s reptilian in nature. It’s interesting to know that they also feel shame, but selectively, meaning that when they perceive a threat or feel like somebody is putting them down, harassing them, or insulting them, they get activated, charged up, and ready to fight.
But when doing something like this, they think there is no shame in it. When I say narcissists are delusional, I just don’t mean it in a symbolic or metaphorical way. I literally mean it because this is pure delusion. How can someone justify their immoral state to themselves and say it’s completely okay when it’s not? But at the same time, take offense at something insignificant that was not intended by the one who was labeled as the offender. It is totally crazy to me. I can’t make sense of it. It almost looks psychotic in that nature, but I must also point out to you that they’re fully aware of what they’re doing. It’s not like they are crazy. They know what they’re doing and how that is impacting you.
And the conclusion is that they do not care, period. They do not care how it is impacting you. If they feel good about it, if it excites them, if it gives them some kind of high, they’ll do it again and again and again. Now I would like to know about your experiences. How have you witnessed this in the narcissist who hurt you? If yes, drop your answers in the comments below and help other survivors feel less alone in their journey of healing and recovery. With that, let’s bring this episode to an end, and I’ll talk with you in the next one. As always, let the healing begin and continue.
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