Most people ask what made the narcissist that way. They assume it was trauma; they assume it was abandonment. However, they rarely focus on the woman who birthed the male narcissist because society has programmed us to protect the mother, even when she was the architect of the monster. She herself was a narcissist behind many dangerous narcissistic men—men who abuse, dominate, and gaslight. There is a mother who called him her king while feeding him poison. She smiled to the world as if she raised a gentleman, but behind closed doors, she twisted his psyche into something that doesn’t love, feel guilt, or connect. She didn’t break his heart; she broke his reality and reshaped it to worship her ego.
You may have come across recent footage of PDD’s private acts exposed on security tape. You may have heard whispers and interviews revealing a carefully curated image unraveling at the seams. His persona was rehearsed; it’s now a known fact. His actions in the dark are chilling, and if you look closely, his mother was always right there behind the curtain. This is not just about him; this is about the thousands raised like him—men who destroy everything they touch, especially the women they claim to love. It begins with the dynamic of a narcissistic mother-son duo, a topic most people are too afraid to name, but let’s name and shame it.
Surrogate Husband
The first thing such a mother does is make him her surrogate husband. She tells him, “You are the man of the house.” That’s what she intends. He wasn’t raised; he was recruited. Instead of being held and nurtured, he was assigned roles—roles of an emotional caretaker, a substitute partner, and a therapist. Basically, he was a defender. At an age when he should have been building Lego sets, he was listening to his mother cry about her broken heart, failed dreams, or ungrateful lovers. She called it love, but it wasn’t love; it was emotional incest. It was parentification. He was married to her pain long before he ever fell in love with a woman, and that’s why he cannot love you now.
It’s not your fault. When you express a need, he feels like you’re pulling him back into the trap. He doesn’t see your tears; he sees hers. He doesn’t hear your needs; he heard the cries that haunted his childhood bedroom. So he punishes you for being vulnerable—not because you hurt him; you never do—but because vulnerability reminds him of the cage his mother never let him leave. Now he resents every woman who leans on him emotionally. To him, love feels like labor. That’s why you feel alone, even when he is lying right next to you.
The Mask of Perfection
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Number two: he appears to be a nice boy on the outside but is never honest. That’s how she trained him. He was always the well-dressed one, the one who said “please” and “thank you” to outsiders. His mother made sure of his perfection. Appearances were everything; they had to be because behind the scenes, everything was chaos. He was punished for being messy, shamed for showing anger, and silenced for crying. Every real emotion was extremely dangerous, so he learned to split himself in two: one version for the world, one version for the dog. That’s why the narcissist you fell for seems like two different people—Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One charms your friends, kisses your parents, and talks about marriage, while the other disappears for hours, lies compulsively, and turns ice cold the moment you get too close. That’s not by accident; that’s by design. He became a master of deception, not because he wanted to lie, but because lying was everything he was taught. His mother praised performance and punished authenticity. She didn’t raise him to be real; she raised him to be seen. Now, in relationships, he wears the same mask he wore as a child until the mask cracks, and when it does, you are left holding the pieces.
Role Reversal: Protector and Shield
Number three: your job is to protect me, not the other way around. The monster was conditioned to absorb, not receive. Every time she got hurt, he was her tissue. Every time she felt small, he was her hype man. She poured her pain into him as if he were a wall. He was never allowed to be the scared one, the tired one, or the hurt one. His job was to hold her together. So now, when you break down, he disappears, or worse, he makes it about himself. He feels disgusted by you. You’re sobbing on the floor, and he’s telling you how hard he has it. You ask for a hug, and he gives you nothing but silence. You crave intimacy, and he turns away because he was never taught how to be felt. He learned that love means service and that worth equals utility. He never got to be a boy; he was forced to be a shield. Now, every relationship feels like a battlefield where he must, in a twisted way, protect himself because no one ever protected him. Even when you are giving him love, he sees it as an ambush because he was never mothered; he was used.
I’m not justifying a narcissist’s actions; I’m helping you understand why it’s not your fault. I’m helping you see the situation objectively: damage caused and created by somebody else. You are being punished for no crime of yours.
Fear of Abandonment and Control
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Number four: everyone leaves, so get them before they get you. That’s the type of world that narcissists and psychopaths live in—a dog-eats-dog world. She created a monster who destroys love to prove it is not real. His mother didn’t just abandon him; she abandoned him emotionally, spiritually, and energetically. Maybe she was physically present but emotionally absent. She may have praised him one minute and rejected him the next. She gave him love only when he performed well; that’s why it was performance-based. He developed one core belief: love is not safe. Now, every time you get close, he’s triggered because the deeper the intimacy, the greater the threat. His nervous system does not register closeness as safety; it registers it as danger. So he cheats first, lies first, rages first—because he wants to be the one who ruins it before you do. His whole life, he has been haunted by the fear that people will eventually leave. That women will abandon him like she did. Now he lives in a cycle of betrayal, manipulation, and sabotage because if he destroys the relationship, at least he is in control.
What the recent tape showed us was not just rage but an extreme urge to dominate, to own, to take power before someone takes it from him. It was monstrous, but the monster did not start there; it started in a childhood where connection was a weapon, not a gift.
Misogyny and Revenge
Number five: women are to be controlled, not understood. The monster was trained to see you as a threat, not as a partner. He did not learn emotional safety from women; he learned emotional chaos. His mother did not teach him how to respect women; she taught him how to fear them. It’s quite ironic. Every time she used silent treatment, slammed doors, played the victim, or manipulated him with guilt, he made a mental note: women are dangerous. Now he treats you the way he wished he could have treated her—controlling, silencing, and dominating. That’s called projecting the mother wound onto you. That’s one of the many roots of misogyny. He micromanages how you dress, accuses you of cheating when you are five minutes late, and threatens to leave when you express a boundary. Why? Because control is the only way to feel some sort of safety in his twisted world. Understanding a woman means opening his heart, and he did that once to his mother, and it nearly destroyed him. So he does not try to understand you; he tries to manage you, gauge you, and own you.
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That’s why he gives gifts like trophies. That’s why he creates a lifestyle of dependency and makes you feel like you can’t survive without him. Because if you are free, he’s vulnerable. And if you are vulnerable, he is reminded of how small he once felt. So he makes alliances, not love. Somewhere deep down, he believes all women are just versions of his mother—emotional hurricanes dressed as caretakers. That’s why he destroys you.
People often ask why narcissists hate women so deeply yet chase them obsessively. This is why: it’s not about love; it’s about revenge. Revenge for the mother who turned him into some sort of demon, a zombie instead of a son. Revenge for the love he gave that was never returned. Revenge for the childhood where he had to grow up too fast. Now you are the mirror; he looks at you and sees her. He hears your pain and remembers hers. He feels your love and wants to destroy it because hers came with conditions. He does not know how to love you; he only knows how to conquer you because that is what he had to do to survive her.
So don’t ask yourself what you did wrong. Don’t ask why you could not fix him. The truth is, he was broken before you. It was not your fault. Explaining all of this to you is not a justification; it is just an explanation of his abusive behaviors. It’s for you to know that this is not your creation. There is no inner child that can be healed here, and the only option for you is to leave because it’s something that you can never heal. He chose this way. He chose to be this cruel, this crazy, this manipulative, this aggressive long before you came into his life. Now there is no going back for him.
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