That’s why he gives gifts like trophies. That’s why he creates a lifestyle of dependency and makes you feel like you can’t survive without him. Because if you are free, he’s vulnerable. And if you are vulnerable, he is reminded of how small he once felt. So he makes alliances, not love. Somewhere deep down, he believes all women are just versions of his mother—emotional hurricanes dressed as caretakers. That’s why he destroys you.
People often ask why narcissists hate women so deeply yet chase them obsessively. This is why: it’s not about love; it’s about revenge. Revenge for the mother who turned him into some sort of demon, a zombie instead of a son. Revenge for the love he gave that was never returned. Revenge for the childhood where he had to grow up too fast. Now you are the mirror; he looks at you and sees her. He hears your pain and remembers hers. He feels your love and wants to destroy it because hers came with conditions. He does not know how to love you; he only knows how to conquer you because that is what he had to do to survive her.
So don’t ask yourself what you did wrong. Don’t ask why you could not fix him. The truth is, he was broken before you. It was not your fault. Explaining all of this to you is not a justification; it is just an explanation of his abusive behaviors. It’s for you to know that this is not your creation. There is no inner child that can be healed here, and the only option for you is to leave because it’s something that you can never heal. He chose this way. He chose to be this cruel, this crazy, this manipulative, this aggressive long before you came into his life. Now there is no going back for him.
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