Public humiliation isn’t just about making you feel small; it’s about making sure no one else comes to your defense. Narcissists want to control how others see their partners by mocking or belittling them in front of friends, family, or co-workers. Over time, people might start believing their narrative, questioning whether their partner is the problem. Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing, explains that manipulative people create false impressions to shift blame and maintain control. The more they make you look weak or irrational, the harder it becomes for you to reach out for support because the very people who should be in your corner are second-guessing you. If they can make others laugh at you instead of standing up for you, they weaken your support system without ever needing to lift a finger. The moment you recognize this tactic for what it is, you stop playing their game. Real friends don’t laugh at your pain, and anyone who does was never on your side to begin with.
9. To Keep Their Partners in a State of Fear
As Dr. Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail, warns, fear-based relationships are built on control, not love. Narcissists thrive on keeping their partners in a constant state of fear, never knowing when the next humiliation will hit. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you keep tiptoeing around them, second-guessing every word, and constantly adjusting your behavior just to avoid another public attack. And that’s exactly where they want you: too anxious to challenge them and too exhausted to leave. This cycle of humiliation and anxiety is what keeps you trapped. The fear of public embarrassment becomes so overwhelming that you start bending over backward to keep the narcissist happy. But here’s the hard truth: nothing you do will ever be enough. Their attacks aren’t about your behavior; they’re about their need for power. The moment you recognize this, the spell starts to break. Real love doesn’t keep you in a state of fear; it makes you feel safe, respected, and valued. And the sooner you step out of their psychological trap, the sooner you reclaim your peace.
10. To Test How Much Their Partners Tolerate
How much abuse will you take before you finally say enough? Narcissists don’t just humiliate their partners for fun; they do it to test their patience and boundaries. If you laugh it off, stay quiet, or even try to rationalize their behavior, they take it as permission to push further. Dr. Vanessa Brown, a psychologist specializing in toxic relationships, explains that manipulators gradually increase their level of disrespect to see where your breaking point is. If you don’t push back, they assume there isn’t one. That’s why the first few humiliations might seem mild or brushed off as jokes. But over time, the cruelty escalates, and before you know it, what once seemed like a rare moment of disrespect becomes a pattern you’ve learned to endure. This is how narcissists condition you to accept mistreatment. By normalizing it little by little, the more you tolerate, the more they push, training you to believe that standing up for yourself isn’t worth the fight. Humiliation isn’t just a bad habit for a narcissist; it’s a weapon. They use it to keep you insecure, questioning yourself, and ultimately under their control. But here’s the thing: the moment you recognize this tactic for what it is, you take away its power. You don’t have to play their game. Because at the end of the day, no one who truly loves you will ever feel the need to humiliate you.
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