Let’s revisit your time with the narcissist before I reveal that. What relationship was that, and how did it affect you? How have you changed forever? You entered that relationship with a toxic narcissistic person without knowing that narcissism existed due to a lack of education. You thought you were just chalking up that relationship to a bad day, meaning that person had some issues and was playing the victim or abusing you, but you couldn’t comprehend it. You kept working for the narcissist and the relationship. Your time, money, energy, effort, love, empathy, status, social circle, finances, and health were all depleting because you gave to a fault. You supported an unproductive relationship.
The narcissist was trying to puncture holes in your canoe so it would capsize as you paddled upstream. Why? Because they had another canoe lined up behind yours to jump onto once they made sure yours didn’t float.
The narcissistic abusive cycle includes these examples and more. It involves a relationship where one person gives everything they can and more, while the narcissist takes and takes, wanting more. They blow up everything they touch throughout their lives. People may say, “You’re being a little dramatic here,” but my experience shows that narcissists think differently. Unlike you, they reason differently and can’t introspect like you. People aren’t accountable like you. Instead of growing, they want to leech off others, take what they have, crumble it like paper when the resources are depleted, and move on to the next source.
I should mention that the new supply is usually a person. Remember that the narcissist was running from a previous relationship into your arms when you were the new supply. After getting what they wanted from you, they’ll run to another person who lacks education, wisdom, or is a toxic narcissist. They may be a recycled person, a former relationship, a high school friend, or someone the narcissist wants to use again. All of these factors contributed to their narcissistic abusive cycle.
Keep in mind that the cycle will continue. The narcissist is the only constant in the abusive cycle. They realize their mental state is trapping them. They know their anxiety-ridden life is a trap. They know they change shape; they know they wear masks to manipulate people. Sometimes they know they’re fake. They want to feel better than you because of that.
When you went home from living with the narcissist under the same roof, you didn’t know what to expect—Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. That planned emotional rollercoaster made the kind of relationship you had never clear. Then, when you Googled “spouse won’t talk to me” or “verbal abuse,” you found a needle in a haystack. You had your first breakthrough. Your journey revealed who you would become and what a narcissist is.
Narcissists didn’t think you’d ever figure out they were narcissists. They never assumed you were smart enough to put two and two together, do research, and do your due diligence—just like they did on you at the start of the relationship.
Return to that point: when did you meet the narcissist? Most likely, they assessed you; they were investigating your motivations. They wanted to know your assets, resources, hopes, dreams, aspirations, goals, background, former romantic relationships, and relationships with parents and siblings. They wanted to research and profile you. One day, they thought, “This person will be my next resource.”
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