You ask one of these men to help around the house, and he acts like you have insulted him or his lineage. Suggest therapy? Oh, he will roll his eyes, big time. Want him to carry your bag or remember your lipstick shade? He will make a joke out of it, post about it online to get validation from his equally broken friends—”alphas,” they call themselves. Because doing anything thoughtful, soft, or attentive is a threat to his whole identity.
It does not matter if it would make the relationship better. It does not matter at all if it would make you feel safe and cared for. The only thing that matters to him is that no one accuses him of being weak, feminine, or G.a.y. And this is the twisted part: this isn’t just about the man; this is about the entire system he comes from, which includes his mother, his sisters, and his aunts.
They’re often complicit in this, too, because in a narcissistic family cult, everyone protects the crown. The mother will defend her son no matter how cruel, distant, or abusive he is to his partner because if he is wrong, then she’s a failure. If he is emotionally stunted, then she has to face the guilt of what she allowed or taught. So instead, she will blame the daughter-in-law, say she is demanding, say she’s emasculating him, say she is trying to change him—because admitting the truth would break the illusion that she raised a strong man.
The sisters, you ask about, often join in too. They have learned to protect their brother’s image at all costs. And when you try to speak up, they all look at you like you’re some crazy person—like you’re the problem, like you’re the unstable one, like you expect too much. It’s all part of the same disease, the same rot. A boy gets punished for showing affection and is praised for being distant. A girl gets punished for asking for support and is praised for staying silent.
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