And it becomes a factory, a production line for broken men and suppressed women—all hiding behind a smile and the word “culture.” This is the family that I come from. These men do not just withhold help; they mock it. They make you feel stupid for needing anything at all. They will see you carrying heavy groceries, working all day, or breaking down in tears from exhaustion, and they will sit there watching, scrolling, laughing. Because in their mind, the more indifferent they are, the more power they hold—weaponized incompetence.
They want to be praised just for not abandoning you, just for staying. But God forbid they actually show up. And when they do something small, like take your car for servicing or bring home food, they will weaponize it for weeks. They will want to be worshipped as if they are the savior of humanity. You will hear about it every time you ask for something else: “I just did that for you! What more do you want?”
As if a partnership is a point system, as if love is a debt you owe them. As if helping the woman who holds your emotional world together is a favor and not a fundamental part of being a man in a relationship. You know what real men do? They help. They notice and remember. They pick up your medicine before you ask. They know your pain points, and they do not weaponize them. They sit with you in silence when you are too tired to talk.
They do not treat compassion like currency; they give it freely. Why? Because they are present. That’s a key. That’s what love looks like when it’s healthy, when it’s mature, and when it’s real. But you know what it’s like with a narcissist? He’s not there to love. He is there to control, to perform, and to extract. The moment you start expecting him to emotionally invest, he starts emotionally withdrawing.
That’s exactly what happens because you are no longer a passive participant in his fantasy, in his game. And that terrifies him. That’s how the devaluation begins. Now he’s accountable. Now he has to grow. Now he has to do something he was never prepared for: become an actual man. And when you stop begging, when you stop adjusting, when you stop lowering your standards just to maintain peace, that is when he turns.
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