2. I cannot and will not empathize with you.
A narcissist cannot empathize. They do not have the capacity to do so. They do not think or care about empathizing with you because they don’t believe you are going through anything that needs their empathy. They see themselves as the victim who deserves all the empathy and sympathy, while you are being selfish for asking for it. They perceive your request for empathy as making up issues that never existed, which deserves their hatred. They do not have the emotional capacity to access emotions that would allow them to understand you. Essentially, what you interact with is a false self, a mirage. If they cannot know themselves, how could they know you? If they cannot know you, how could they empathize with you?
3. I am aware I am hurting you, but I don’t care about changing my behavior.
Many people ask if narcissists are aware of what they are doing. Yes, they are. Why would they be selective in their behavior? When they are in public, they may present a pleasing persona, but in private, they can be a monster. This requires agency; it cannot happen on autopilot. They know exactly what they are doing to you, but they do not care. In their minds, you are the victim — either you deserve it, or you made them do it. If you get hurt, it must be your fault. They perceive your pain as a nuisance, something they do not want to deal with, something that irritates them. They see emotions as weaknesses and run away from them, projecting their self-hatred onto you.
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