Next, she will weaponize and triangulate siblings against each other. Narcissistic mothers often employ the tactic of triangulating siblings against one another, using jealousy, competition, and favoritism as tools to maintain control over the family dynamic. This involves pitting siblings against each other by favoring one child over others at a given time or by comparing their achievements, looks, or behavior in a way that breeds rivalry.
The favored child might receive undue praise, privileges, or attention, while the other child is criticized, neglected, or scapegoated. This favoritism is not consistent; it shifts based on how useful each child is in fulfilling the mother’s emotional needs or validating her self-worth. The mother may switch between the roles of the golden child and the scapegoat, keeping her children in a state of constant insecurity, unsure of their standing with her. By fostering an environment of rivalry, narcissistic mothers create a system where siblings compete for her love and approval rather than forming close bonds with each other.
Next, they punish their children’s success. Narcissistic mothers often view their children’s achievements not as something to be celebrated but as threats to their control and superiority. Instead of offering support or praise, they may respond with criticism, belittlement, or outright sabotage. The narcissistic mother cannot tolerate the idea that her child might outshine her or gain independence through their accomplishments. Success, in her eyes, shifts attention away from her and undermines her dominance.
As a result, the child’s achievements—whether academic, professional, or personal—are met with negativity or indifference, making the child feel guilty or ashamed for excelling. This punishment can take many forms; the narcissistic mother might downplay or dismiss the child’s success, claiming that it’s not impressive or that it was due to luck rather than the child’s hard work. Alternatively, she might shift the focus to herself, framing the child’s accomplishment as a result of her guidance or sacrifice. In some cases, she might even actively undermine the child’s success by creating obstacles, withholding support, or fostering self-doubt, ensuring the child’s achievements are short-lived.
Over time, this conditioning causes the child to associate success with conflict, guilt, and rejection, leading them to self-sabotage or avoid pursuing their own goals altogether. This destructive behavior ensures that the child remains emotionally dependent and unable to outgrow the mother’s grasp, reinforcing the toxic power dynamic within the relationship.
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