The second thing that happens is they cannot stop thinking about you. But not because they love you; no, you are not just someone they miss. You are someone they needed—not in a healthy way, but in a very toxic, deep way. You were their supply; you made them feel like they mattered. Now that you’re gone, they try to move on. They distract themselves, jump into new relationships, and talk badly about you. They act like they have already forgotten you, but the truth is they cannot stop thinking about you.
Those thoughts are not warm or loving; they are obsessive and angry. They wonder how you became so strong, how you stopped caring, how someone they tried so hard to destroy still stood up and kept walking like nothing happened. This feeling drives them crazy; it takes over their mind. They keep replaying old conversations, going through your old messages, watching your stories secretly, checking who likes your posts. Every single thing you do feels like a personal attack on them because, in their world, if you are happy without them, it means they failed. This is the beginning of their own emotional self-destruction.
Self-Destruction in the Name of Revenge
The third spiral is that they destroy themselves while trying to destroy you. At this point, many narcissists do not just feel bad; they start to self-destruct. They become reckless, doing things that hurt themselves more than anyone else, but they do it in the name of revenge or just to numb the pain of losing control over you. They drink too much, take drugs, engage in unsafe sex, waste money, and hurt people close to them. They stop sleeping, lash out at their family, and ruin good things in their life just to feel something again.
Sometimes, they send you a fake apology—not because they’re sorry; they’re never sorry. They want to pull you back in. Sometimes they beg for another chance; other times they scream at you, threaten you, or try to guilt-trip you. It’s confusing because their behavior keeps changing, and that happens really fast. This is the stage where they do not know what they want. They know it, but they do not know how to get it. They just want the pain to stop, and they think the only way to stop it is by getting you back under their control. But the more they try to win you back, the more they destroy themselves. Their own lies catch up to them, their fake stories fall apart, and their new relationships start to crack. Everything around them starts to collapse because the person they depended on the most—you—has stopped playing along.
The Fake Transformation
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