The answer lies in understanding the narcissistic mind and their need for control, even in endings. First, they want to leave on their terms. They do not want to be abandoned; narcissists cannot stand the idea of being the one who gets left behind. If you have been pulling away, setting boundaries, or showing signs that you may leave, they need to flip the script. They need to be the one doing the leaving, not you.
Second, they want to ensure maximum damage. A narcissist does not just want to end the relationship; they want to break you in the process. They want you to believe that you had something real, something worth fighting for, right before they snatch it away. The higher they lift you up, the more devastating the fall will be.
Third, they are collecting ammunition for their smear campaign. During their false reconciliation period, you will open up to them in ways you have not in months or years. You will share your vulnerabilities, hopes, and fears, telling them how much this change means to you and how grateful you are. All of this becomes ammunition they will use against you later when they paint you as the crazy, unstable, needy, or delusional one to their new supply or to the world in general.
Fourth, they are securing their next supply. This reconciliation period gives them time to line up their replacement while keeping you duped and unaware. You’re so grateful for the change in their behavior that you’re not paying attention to the fact that they are still on dating apps, still texting their ex, or still cultivating relationships with potential new partners.
The Stages of the False Reconciliation Trap
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