Let’s move on to number three: to extract information. Have you ever felt like someone was listening to you too intently, as if they were waiting for you to say something specific? Narcissists know that if they appear caring and interested, you’ll open up and share things that you might not normally reveal. However, they’re not just collecting facts for the sake of understanding; instead, they store this information like emotional ammunition, ready to use it against you when the time is right.
Psychologist Dr. Julie Smith explains that this is a classic narcissistic tactic—gathering intel for manipulation. Watch their body language carefully; they might lean in a bit too close, their eyes scanning you like they’re on a fact-finding mission—not connecting with you, but sizing you up. They’re mentally taking notes while you think you’re having a genuine conversation.
Now, let’s continue to number four: to avoid accountability. Have you ever noticed how someone can apologize without actually apologizing? Narcissists are masters at avoiding accountability. When they say, “I’m so sorry; I didn’t realize it hurt you,” it sounds like an apology, but it’s just a clever way to deflect blame without taking any real responsibility. They want you to believe they’re owning up to their actions, but deep down, they’re only worried about covering their own tracks.
Psychologist Dr. Linda Martinez-Louie notes that narcissists often use this tactic to avoid facing the consequences of their behavior while still maintaining their innocent image. You can spot the signs in their body language: crossed arms, a clenched jaw, or tapping fingers—all signs of defensiveness. Their posture practically shouts, “I’m not responsible for this,” even as their words claim the opposite. It’s like they’re trying to tell you they’re sorry, but their body is sending a very different message.
You shouldn’t miss number five: to one-up your pain. Narcissists will start by pretending to empathize, giving you just enough attention to make you think they care, but then they quickly shift the focus to their own experiences, often exaggerating them to make your pain seem insignificant. It’s not about understanding your feelings, but about winning a pity contest.
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