You can also reflect and think, “Yeah, they were hypersensitive to any hint of disagreement or criticism that they might interpret as directed towards them.” When you look back, you might think, “I don’t think I’m the first person this has happened to.” As you examine what’s been going on, you might see that they have had other relationships where the same thing occurred.
Before the collapse, you could tell there was a certain stubbornness and a need for control in that person, whether it manifested as micromanaging or passive-aggressiveness when things didn’t go their way. But then, when a narcissist collapses and comes at you in a rejecting way, it puts their phoniness into focus. You might wonder, “So when you were laughing with me, was that just fleeting or fake? When you were helpful, were you just keeping score? When you said nice things about me, were you just buttering me up? What were you saying about me behind my back?”
As the narcissist turns on you in a harsh and vengeful way, it makes you realize that this person has been sitting on a lot of anger, which you’re now seeing in full force. In retrospect, there must have been a lot going on that caused them to carry frustration, annoyance, and irritability until they finally couldn’t hold it in any longer.
Sometimes, you might see that they were associating you with other people who disappointed them, and they were just ready to explode. In other words, there tend to be reasons for their behavior that are extraneous to you.
The sad thing is, as narcissists go into this collapse and turn on you, they often do all sorts of ugly things. For example, they might reinterpret your good qualities to others, saying, “Oh, you tried to make everyone think you were a nice person, but I know better now.” They can be harsh in their recharacterization of you.
They may try to force you into arguments, accusing you of being stupid or thinking you’re better than you are. When you respond with harshness, they can play the “gotcha” game, seeing it as proof of their perspective. They might even start a smear campaign, alerting others to your supposed flaws.
All of this can lead you into a state of confusion and disbelief. You might wonder how this happened and why, despite your efforts to be a nice person, it doesn’t seem to count. You may want to defend yourself, explaining why they are wrong and you are right. You might point out their inconsistencies, saying, “Hey, if you’re coming down on me, it’s not as though you’re the easiest person to get along with.”
However, once the narcissist has shown their true colors, it all just goes up in the air; they don’t care anymore. When the narcissist turns on you, they reveal they are little more than image crafters. They want you to forget their moments of friendliness and support. From now on, you’re on their enemies list.
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