The third and one of the hardest and most damaging things to deal with is when a narcissist knows they can no longer manipulate you, they’ll start a smear campaign to damage your reputation. When a narcissist realizes they’ve lost control over you, they often retaliate by going for full-on character assassination. Once they understand you’re beyond their control, their only option is to control anyone with access to you.
They’ll spread rumors, twist the truth, or make you look like the villain. They won’t do this alone; they’ll employ flying monkeys—just like in The Wizard of Oz—to do the dirty work. The flying monkeys might be your family members, co-workers, or even your own children. The goal is always the same: to exile you, punish you, and make sure that no one believes you. This can be so upsetting and painful, and if this has happened to you, I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, this happens more often than not in this community because when the narcissist can’t control you, there are really only two options: they decide to exile you through a smear campaign, or you decide to exile yourself by going no contact.
Tools for Empowerment
When dealing with a narcissist smear campaign, use the power boundary method. The goal of the smear campaign is to render you powerless and to take your power, so the only way to protect yourself is to fiercely maintain your personal power. You do this by refusing to defend, explain, or react. The minute you’re on the phone with a flying monkey trying to get them to believe you, you’ve lost your power. The monkey’s mission is to intimidate you so that you’ll comply with the narcissist’s wishes. The more you say, the less power you have.
When they spread rumors, don’t respond. When they threaten, say nothing. When they publicly shame you, don’t let them see you waver. Believe me, I have been the brunt of more than one smear campaign, and I know it’s painful and unfair. The only thing you can do is withdraw your attention and move on with your life. This is the ultimate revenge.
Knowing what to expect is your first line of defense, but now that you’ve learned what happens after the narcissist knows you know, you need to learn a few magic phrases to not only end manipulation but to actively keep narcissists away.
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