What are the eight lies all narcissists tell?
Narcissists and the truth go together kind of like oil and water, and nothing is really off-limits. If you’ve been with a narcissist, you know this. But there are some common lies that all narcissists tell, and we are going to cover those in today’s article.
Number one is, ‘You can be vulnerable with me.’
Now, they may outright say this. They may actually tell you that you can be vulnerable, that it’s safe to share your stories, your experiences, your feelings, your hardships. But unfortunately, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s not safe.
Now, this isn’t something that you’re going to be able to use to determine whether you’re dealing with a narcissist because, in reality, you should be able to be vulnerable with people who are close to you.
So if somebody is telling you that you should be vulnerable with them, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are narcissists. But this is a lie that all narcissists tell in one way or another. They may do this by making you feel comfortable. They might not actually say the words, or they might do this by asking you questions and telling stories from their own life to help you let your guard down.
The second lies that all narcissists tell is ‘You can rely on me,’ and/or ‘I’ve got your back.’
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A narcissist will only ever cover their own back. Yes, maybe they’ll do nice things for you or for other people if it’s convenient for them or if they can get something out of it. But if it comes down to it, if they just flat-out don’t want to do something for you, they’re not going to do it. They might create this feeling kind of like ‘We’re in this together, you know. I’ve got your back, you’ve got mine.’ Unfortunately, most of us end up finding out at the worst possible time that the other person isn’t really there for you.
In fact, they can very quickly change their tune. So they can go from being your best friend and somebody who’s in your corner, somebody who’s there for you, to being somebody who is absolutely against you, somebody who’s smearing your name or doing things actively to hurt you.
Unfortunately, a lot of us end up feeling foolish for trusting this person in the first place. But really, if you’re in this place, it’s not your fault. It’s by design. These are part of the core lies that narcissists tell to get you to let your guard down and to get you to trust them.
The third lies that all narcissists tell is, ‘It’s not my fault.
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So, whatever goes wrong, it cannot be their fault. Narcissists often take responsibility for minor or related issues, often justifying their actions rather than taking full responsibility. They often justify their actions by stating that they did it due to certain circumstances, which can be seen as a valid explanation for their actions. This behavior is often a result of their ego and self-serving nature.
Somebody who doesn’t have the whole story might hear the justification because they’re really good at justifying things. Somebody might hear that justification and be on that narcissist’s side because, well, it can’t be their fault; they’re totally justified in doing the bad things they did. But when you’ve been around a narcissist long enough, this gets old really fast, and you might start to notice that you get irritated even when you see them doing this with other people because you know how satisfying it would be if this person ever just took responsibility for anything.
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The third lies that all narcissists tell is, ‘It will get better.’
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And unfortunately, if you’ve been there, and I’m going to guess you have, you know where this ends. And with a narcissist, it never gets better; it only gets worse. If they have devalued you, if they have discarded you, if they have used you as a punching bag, it’s going to be so much easier for them to do it in the future, and they will. But even before it gets to that point, you may notice some variation of this in what we call ‘future-faking.’
So, this is when a narcissist will promise you everything that you want. In a romantic relationship, the narcissist promises to work towards a goal of marriage and children, making the relationship close to it. They will always present a carrot, making the person unwilling to leave, even if things are bad. They’re going to get better, except they’re not.
Number 5, ‘I’m the most honest person’
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Unfortunately, it kind of works unless you’ve encountered somebody like this before, and then you know that somebody who’s really honest doesn’t need to tell you how honest they are. But as people, we like to give other people the benefit of the doubt, and if somebody tells you they’re really honest, you want to believe them. It’s not until you get much deeper into the relationship that you realize how untrue this one really is. Even if the narcissist tries to avoid outright lies, they’re always going to have secrets. Narcissists always need supply. When you have a lot to hide, it’s difficult not to lie; you need to lie to keep those secrets, to keep those skeletons in the closet. Even when they aren’t outright lying to you, they might be omitting large chunks of information that would be really helpful for you to know.
The 6 lie is, ‘I’m going to change.
I am going to be nicer. The narcissist may promise to do what they want, but this is a lie. They only hear from you when they need something from you. If they need you as a supply, they may promise the world, counseling, or improved behavior.They may promise to be nicer and improve their behavior, but this is infuriatingly false if you’ve been there before.
The seventh lie you may hear from a narcissist is harsh; it’s a difficult one to hear and it’s a difficult one to talk about now too. But the lie is ‘I love you.’
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It’s unfortunate and it’s sad all around because narcissists are deficient in emotional empathy. They have trouble making the types of connections that are necessary for true love. And this lack of empathy is also what allows them to hurt people without remorse. And if you’ve been here, I feel for you because I’ve been here too. It’s at this moment when you realize this lie, you probably end up feeling like you’ve been betrayed. You might be thinking things like, ‘How could somebody who ever loved me treat me in this way?
How can someone who supposedly cares so much be so cruel?’ Unfortunately, it is the lack of empathy that allows a narcissist to do that, to switch off the kindness and switch on the hate just like that.
And the last lie that all narcissists will tell is ‘You’re worthless.’
Do narcissists believe their lies?
Many people believe lies due to years of abuse and gaslighting, losing touch with their true selves. We lose touch with our sense of self and self-worth.
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