Have you ever noticed how everything with narcissists is so extreme? They go from not knowing who you are to becoming extremely interested in you, only to suddenly ignore you and withdraw from you. Narcissists like to pull their attention away from people once they’ve spent some time focusing intensely on that person because they like to destabilize the person they’re with. They like to shake the grounding of that person so they aren’t sure about themselves and aren’t too confident. Narcissists try to prove a point about their worth. They try to prove to themselves that they can get you interested in them, then pretend to themselves and to you that they don’t care. They want to believe it and want to see that they can put you in this nerve-wracking state by doing that and getting the expected reaction out of you.
When narcissists ignore you all of a sudden, they pull away and get the expected reaction out of you, making you feel nervous, question what’s happened, and try to chase them for an explanation of whether anything’s wrong. You’re obviously concerned as you approach them. When you have that kind of reaction to the narcissist, it regulates them, makes them feel good about themselves, and validates them. That’s what they expect when they pull away and ignore you after having spent some time love bombing you, giving you a lot of attention. As soon as they pull away and start to ignore you, they sit back, relax, wait, and most importantly, expect you to have that kind of reaction where you become anxious, stressed, and concerned, taking certain actions to try to get an explanation from them about what’s happened or if anything is wrong.
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