I wish I had come across content on narcissistic abuse 20 years ago; it would have saved my life. I wish I had found your channel 15 years ago; it would have stopped me from making some major mistakes. I wish I had known I was dealing with a narcissist; it would have saved my relationship with my only child. These are the types of comments that I and other experts on narcissism receive. They are posted by survivors of narcissistic abuse who feel defeated by time and guilty for not knowing better because the signs in the early stages are quite subtle but recognizable. What are these signs? I’m going to share them with you in today’s episode. I’m going to equip you with knowledge that can save you from a great deal of pain, time, and financial loss.
Sign 1: You find yourself justifying their abusive behavior.
You blame it on their childhood or their lost relationship because you have been lied to. You have been told, “Oh, my ex was crazy,” or “My husband was abusive.” They have created a sense of obligation for you to be a better person for them. They have given you a responsibility—should I say, burdened you with the responsibility—to fix their life and heal them. You have unconsciously taken on that role. What does that do? Well, it forces you to justify their bad behavior, step into denial, and give them unnecessary space and chances they do not deserve. Whenever they do something inappropriate, unacceptable, and hurtful, you say, “Oh, it will get better. They just have mild anger issues; it’s fine. Maybe they’re upset. I did something bad to cause them harm.” What you see as temporary ends up becoming your permanent reality. In other words, abuse is the only thing you end up experiencing, and with time, things get worse. You know it. My advice to you would be: if somebody shows you their true colors, don’t change them in your mind. Don’t repaint them. If somebody shows they are red, don’t make it yellow. See them for who they are. Save yourself from their abuse and call it quits. Have a good list of your non-negotiables ready. The moment you feel violated is the moment you should say goodbye to them.
Sign 2: Ask the person, “Why do they love you?”
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