Hitler, a man who needs no introduction, was a narcissistic psychopath. In his book, he describes the technique of the “big lie.” According to him, a big lie is a gross distortion or misrepresentation of the truth, primarily used as a political propaganda technique. He accused Jews of using this big lie technique, but it was a projection; in reality, he was the one who spread hatred by mass hypnotizing people, normalizing the hatred against them, isolating the group, and treating them as an entirely different race.
That was at a macro level, but what if I tell you the same dynamic repeats itself at a micro level in a narcissistic relationship? When a narcissist tells a big lie, they say something really bizarre and shocking. It’s not just an accusation; it could be a character assassination or personality disintegration. For example, they might say something as outrageous as, “Your mother does not want us to be together,” or “Your sister is crazy and has been trying to have an affair with me.” These statements are so bizarre and shocking that the brain struggles to believe they could be lies.
Our brain distorts the information, and unfortunately, we fall for their technique. To help you understand this evil technique better, I’ll use an example of three people: a mother, her daughter, and a son-in-law. The son-in-law is the narcissist, and he is slowly trying to separate his wife from her mother, whom he sees as a threat. He believes that if he allows his wife to stay in touch with her mother, he will be exposed. So he slowly disintegrates the relationship, brainwashes his wife, and she goes no contact.
I will explain this entire process step by step so that you understand how the big lie technique works. Another part you need to understand before I explain is half-truths. Narcissists always pick and choose elements to create a narrative that supports their lie. They pick and choose true information without context, connect the dots in their own delusional way, and spread that lie. Those who are unaware of the situation or do not try to understand what is actually going on just believe it and eat it up, and the narcissist wins.
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