What are the signs that you are dating or have fallen for or been married to a narcissist? There are certain types of people in this world that will never make sense to the rest of us. Those are the narcissists. I don’t mean that word in the generic way that it gets thrown around these days, where anyone seems to be able to be construed as a narcissist based on one or two things they’ve done. I am talking about someone who truly fits the bill, and you know one if you have been with one because they don’t just tick the box on one count; they tick the box in almost every diagnosable criteria of a narcissist. If you have been with one in the past, I think this is going to be a very cathartic and healing article. It’s going to help a lot of people feel a lot more sane. If you are with one right now, it’s going to help you understand how much information you have about the person you are with. If you have just come out of a situation like this and you’re still in the devastation of it, I think it’s going to help you understand a lot about what has just happened to you.
They Can Be Great… Sometimes
Number one, they can be great sometimes. Despite all of your suffering, despite all of the ways they cause you pain, all of the betrayals, and all of the ways they invalidate your feelings or gaslight you, one evening they come home and they’re amazing. They’re kind, they’re sweet, they have great conversations with you, they’re playful, they are loving—they are everything that you always hoped they would be. When this happens, it’s so maddening because we think, “Well, this is it. They are capable of being this.” It’s not that they’re never capable of being what I want; they are being exactly what I always wanted right now. We then start playing the game of thinking, “If I can just keep this going, this is the relationship I always wanted with this person.” What we have to remember is that a narcissist might actually come across as a delightful person once all their needs have been met. That’s not always the case, but for some, if all their needs have been met, if they have their “supply,” as it’s known, if they feel validated and adored and there’s nothing they want for, then they might be wonderful to be around. But what you’re really experiencing is them being great because every box is being ticked for them right now. The danger is who they are when they’re trying to get their needs met. I like to think about it like a broken watch: a broken watch is right twice a day. It’s wrong most of the time, but for two brief moments a day, a broken clock is correct. Don’t mistake a relationship that works a couple of moments a day, a week, or a month with a working relationship. You have every right to be loved, considered, and seen every minute of the day.
Your Empathy Gets You Worse Treatment
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