Narcissists have a criminal ability to weaponize anything they can think of to make a fool out of you and get what they want. They use your emotions and feelings to manipulate your behavior and decision-making process. When weaponizing these things against you, they do not stop at emotions, feelings, and thoughts. They stoop so low as to drive you crazy. One of the things they use against you is their own sleep. They will come up with issues they are having with their sleep, or they might sleep in a different place, go to bed early, or make significant changes to their sleeping patterns. You may think they are genuinely having issues, as they present it to you, but behind your back, they could be cheating on you. Yes, that’s right—narcissists use sleep to cheat on you and escape accountability. Let’s understand how in today’s episode.
1. They Come Up With Bizarre Excuses Related to Their Sleep and Phone
When you try to hold them accountable for why they didn’t pick up the phone or why they weren’t present, instead of taking responsibility, they might say, “I was sleeping,” “I had a bad day,” “I was really tired,” “I had to turn off my phone by 6 PM,” or “I had to put it on flight mode because I didn’t want to be disturbed.” The truth is, they were in the shower getting ready while their phone was on flight mode, preparing to meet their new supply, and you were left thinking they were asleep. This is how they manipulate you with their phone. They might redirect calls or create technical loops where calls are routed through different numbers, ultimately leaving you wondering if they were out of network or if something happened to their phone. They might claim, “My phone died,” “I lost my phone,” or other excuses when, in reality, they were treating the new person just as they treated you in the beginning, completely disregarding you and focusing on their new supply.
2. They Fake Sleep on the Couch
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They might fake sleep on the couch so they don’t have to sneak out of bed during the night. How bizarre is that? Narcissists often communicate with their new supply in places and at times when you’re not around. One such place is the bathroom. They love the bathroom not only for taking selfies (if they are a grandiose narcissist) but also because it gives them the privacy they need to cheat. They might spend hours there, faking sleep on the couch. If you ask them to come to bed with you, they’ll act all drowsy and pretend not to hear you, only to wake up full of energy once you’ve gone to sleep, texting others without any concern for how hurt you would be if you found out.
3. They Act Tired and Hang Up on You
They might act tired and hang up on you or disconnect the call, saying they need to sleep or can’t focus on the conversation. If this is a long-distance relationship, where you get to talk only occasionally, you may find them making excuses right in the moment. They might say, “I am dead tired from work today,” or “I had a bad day at work,” only to leave you feeling hurt because you’ve been waiting all day for this conversation. It’s not just escapism—they don’t go to sleep after disconnecting. Instead, they use another phone or another means of communication to connect with others behind your back.
4. They Fake Falling Asleep
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They might sleep in the same bed but patiently wait for you to fall asleep like a predator. Once you’re asleep, they have all the time and space in the world to engage in activities they shouldn’t be doing. They might sneak out of bed or stay in bed, chatting quietly with others or logging onto porn sites, all while you remain unaware. If you catch them and ask who they were talking to, they’ll gaslight you, calling you crazy and making you doubt your own perceptions.
5. They Immediately Fall Asleep After an Intense Argument
After an intense argument, they might immediately fall asleep, leaving you shattered and unsupported. While you’re struggling with the emotional aftermath, they sleep soundly, having offloaded all their negative emotions onto you. They have no concern for your feelings, and if you try to express your pain, they might even tell you to cry quietly so as not to disturb them. They use sleep to escape accountability, connection, and responsibility, leaving you to bear the heavy emotional burden alone.
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