So today I want to talk about the personality that victims of narcissistic abuse tend to develop. I’m not referring to their real personality, but rather to who they become as a result of the abuse. This applies whether the trauma occurred in childhood with narcissistic parents or in a long-term relationship. It’s almost as if we all develop a similar personality. I want to explain what happens, how it happens, and, more importantly, what you can do to rediscover your true self if you identify with this. I always save my tips for the end, so make sure you watch to the end if this resonates with you.
Early in my trauma recovery journey, something significant happened. I sought help because, at the time, I believed I was the problem. When you’ve been involved with a narcissist, they convince you that they’re perfect, and after prolonged manipulation, you start to believe, or at least suspect, that maybe the issue is you. So, I went to seek help, thinking I was the problem. But during the session, my therapist told me, “You do realize you’re in an abusive relationship, right?”
Sadly, part of me was relieved — it felt like a wake-up call. But another part of me, the deeply traumatized part, was in shock. I asked him how he knew, and he said, “People who have been in narcissistic relationships have a very distinct personality.” He compared it to recognizing animal tracks — you don’t need to see the animal itself, but you can tell what kind of animal it was by the imprint it leaves behind. The same is true of narcissistic abuse — the imprint it leaves behind is very distinct, clear, and obvious.
That brings me to today’s topic: the personality that emerges from narcissistic abuse — a traumatized personality that many of us get stuck in. Before I go into the traits and characteristics of this personality, I want to explain why this happens. I know from my own journey that we are quick to blame ourselves. We think, “It’s my fault,” and become upset with ourselves instead of placing the blame where it belongs, which doesn’t help us in recovery. Understanding why these changes happen can help you avoid falling into that spiral of shame and self-blame.
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