If you expect yourself to quickly get better after leaving the narcissist or going no contact and not be affected by what happened in the past, you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and disappointment. Why? Let me explain.
Number one: You have experienced a traumatic brain injury.
This may sound like an exaggeration, but it isn’t because narcissistic abuse alters the anatomy of your brain. In a narcissistic relationship, you are in a constant state of hypervigilance—surviving, jumping from one survival mode to the next. One moment you’re fighting, the next you’re fleeing, then freezing because the abuse is so overwhelming, leaving you feeling helpless. You are constantly forced to survive the narcissist’s unpredictable behavior.
You don’t know where you stand in the relationship. One moment, they’re Dr. Jekyll, the next they’re Mr. Hyde. You’re never sure who they truly are or what your relationship status is. If this is your reality for years, not just months or hours, how could your nervous system not be affected? How could you function properly after such prolonged adversity? The multifaceted impact of narcissistic abuse changes your brain, your nervous system, your biochemistry, and, ultimately, you as a person.
Talking about the brain, the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex have to adapt by changing in size to help you survive. Without these changes, you wouldn’t have been able to endure the abuse. Now, you’re carrying those adaptations with you in the aftermath. Healing takes time. These alterations need time to reverse. It’s not easy.
Number two: You have developed self-destructive habits.
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